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? Only for Those Married 25 Years or More

My husband and I are in the middle of the deepest valley of our married lives together. We are in our mid to late 40's and have three terrific teen sons. We believe in God and family so divorce is not an option. My question is: Is it going to get any better? And, yes, we are working on our relationship and other areas in our life but sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't tell me to see a counselor. We know that already. I just need reassurance that the second half of our lives as we age will get better. We are going on 22 years together.


Asked by Anonymous at 5:36 AM on Jun. 22, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • cont

    A lot of local colleges, the Y, and community centers will offer classes, even non credit ones, on all sorts of things. You could learn to Salsa dance, or you could take up motorcycling, any number of things. Even if you make a point of once a month, you get out a map, close your eyes, and pick a spot, and whatever town you pick, you and your dh go there for the weekend and play tourist and be romantic in the hotel (if you do this, buy a new sexy nightie or something special for the trip...)

    I truly believe if you make a concentrated effort not just on "saving the marriage" or "preserving the family" - but on "re-connecting with your lover" - not as your partner, you've been married long enough you've shown you can do that - but on being friends and lovers - then things will be a LOT better for the next 22 yrs :-)

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:34 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • it will all get better just keep praying......GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • I'll have been married 22 years in a couple of weeks.  You don't say what your specific marriage issues are but it is not uncommon for couples to drift apart when they no longer have raising a family in common.  My husband and I decided that we weren't going to be one of those couples.  We started to build back up a social life and started to do activities together which has allowed us to re-connect on an even deeper level. 


    Answer by beeky at 6:06 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • I agree with beeky.
    I don't know where you are in the stage of children either...if they're moving on and out of your home, but that can be a tough spot because everything once again, family life and the dynamics of everything changes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:31 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • This is what faith is all about; however, if both of you want to work on things I see no reason why it won't get better

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:05 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • I agree with the pp's. We aren't at the 25 or more mark, but we do have our 18th anniversary in July. We also have 2 teens and are facing some serious life changes coming up in the next couple of yrs (our youngest graduates, my dh is retirement eligible with the military this summer, we're staying 2 more yrs, but beyond that..., etc...)

    I agree that sometimes things can hit a slump - you get caught up in raising the kids, dealing with teens (not in a bad way, but still, who needs to be where and when, school, their future, etc.) It's easy to get so caught up in being partners in the family that you sort of forget to be partners with each other.

    The counseling and stuff is a great idea, and it's good you're doing it. But - you need to try to go out and have fun together, too. Take a class on something or a hobby for just the 2 of you - no kids allowed.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:29 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • We'll be married 22 yrs in Aug. We watched our parents marriages dissolve, mine weeks before their 25th anniversary, his parents after 33 yrs. We both know it can happen after many years, & we saw what it did to our families. My family fell apart when our parents divorced, we siblings were 23, 22, & 12 when it happened, & at this point only my youngest brother & I are still close. My husband was 30. Siblings 29 & 27, his family completely disintegrated. Our kids ended up w/ very little extended family because of it.

    Because of that, we're very aware of the possibility of getting this far & still not making it. On the other hand, my aunt & uncle's marriage survived an affair my aunt had in her 40's. I know they loved each other, it took years before their marriage was "normal" again, & they made it 50 yrs before my uncle died.

    Yes you can get through this rough patch it may take time, patience, commitment & love.
    Good Luck

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:36 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • 23 years married here and wht I do is pick my battles!! Seems to work for us... We have not had a fight in I couldn't tell you how long!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • congrats for being married that long! Hopefully I will be there to in 2031. Your marriage is older than me or my marriage.

    Answer by janel09 at 3:02 AM on Jun. 23, 2010