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More about looking at other women?

Ok. So I left a question abouth this topic the other day. My husband is about to leave on deployment for a while. One of his top priorities is putting as many pornographic photos on his ipod as possible. He has over 3,000 right now. So, I am starting to wonder... if he likes looking at other women so much, is he going to end up acting on it?

I cannot sleep at night because of this issue with us, and I have no one to talk to about it. He is looking at porn every day now. It has increased since we originally got together. It hasn't effected our sex life, but I do wonder if he thinks about them while in bed with me? I feel so disrespected and brushed aside. I would never make him feel that way. Why can't he understand why this all bothers me?


Asked by Anonymous at 6:50 AM on Jun. 22, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • My husband says he imagines me when he looks at porn and that it is just a fantasy. I do believe it is addctive though. I don't know if I have an ansWer but for me I had to insist he cut back on porn cause it hurt me too much. He was getting addicted by his own admition. If we were apart for a time I'd expect him to use it but no need to have it in my face.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • It's natural to feel what you're feeling, so don't fret over that.
    My DH was on deployment and he took some porn pics with him too. Even some videos. lol. He didn't comment on them, but I knew. Is it a specific type of porn? Is it something that maybe he wants to try with you? Ask him what's with the porn obsession lately, and try to come off as curious, so he doesn't get offended or scurry around the topic if he senses any type of judgment in your voice or whatever.
    I don't think he'd act on it, it just gets lonely being over there.

    Answer by ManicMomma02 at 6:56 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • It would appear that your husband values his monkey-spanking variety more than he values your opinions.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:57 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • This is such a horrible thing that is plaguing our marriages/relationships and our families. No good comes from porn. No good at all. I don't understand people that say it's natural to watch all that stuff. There are men out there that control sexual desires, and it's like any can get worse.
    I hope you talk to him now and stand up for yourself. I did. I told my husband I can't handle the heartbreak of it all. It's so very sad when men CHOOSE to look at this stuff.
    Deployment or not, he shouldn't be looking at that stuff. No excuse. It's like asking me to go without ice cream....I can live without ice cream!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:59 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • Wow, there really are some insecure people out there. You mean to tell me that when your husbands are on deployment, none of you masterbate? REally? I find that surprising. Men are usually visual creatures. When they masterbate, they usually like to look at something. Women are more capable of using their own imagination.

    As for why he can't understand--he's a man.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:11 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • He is not just doing it on deployment! These girls do things that I do not do! I certainly do not look like them... not after 2 kids! Why wouldn't I think he rather look at them than me?

    Calling me insecure, you sound like a man yourself making excuses! I have never felt insecure before, and I do not think I would now if he wasn't giving me a reason to!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:37 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • I am not a man. I am a woman who is secure with my man. At times, my hubby looks at porn. I do not look like these women. I have had two kids. It does not affect our sex life. You are thinking like a woman, not a man. The adage of men are from mars and woman are from venus is very true.
    You said it yourself. These girls do things you do not do. He is fantasizing and using these images with that. He is probably very happy with your sex life, and may not want to act on these fantasies, but still has them. This is how he is working them out. He is also preparing himself for deployment.
    Unless he is spending more money then he has, is cheating, or the porn is affecting your sex life, you need to be more secure. If my hubby and I are out somewhere and I see a woman that is attractive and dressed to impress, I point her out to my hubby!! It's not like he's going to go after her!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • I agree that he's probably looking at the acts (that you don't do) and fantasizing that YOU are doing those things with him.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:00 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • I used to think that he was thinking about me, but he is changing. Ever since I got pregnant with our second child, he started this up full force. After I had her 5 months ago, he admitted he was turned off by this pregnancy because I did not gain that much weight so he could see her too well and it made him only want it from the back. I totally understood that!

    Now he is starting to act that way again, so knowing that something was wrong before, naturally I feel like something is wrong now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:09 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • What has sex been like since you've had the baby? Has the fact that he was initially turned off by the pregnancy carried over? Could it be that for some reason, it never really went away? (not trying to make you more insecure, but these details could matter.) How has it effected you? Have you changed knowing that he was turned off during the pregnancy. My husband was turned off because Iwas so sick all the time, but he was not just turned off of me, but of sex period because of the fact that it was sex, that lead to my pregnancy that made me sick. Even after the baby was born, he was good at cuddling and giving caresses, but even though I went back on the pill, the thought of sex made him picture me puking!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 AM on Jun. 22, 2010