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How do we end up in this place?

We all have a idea what marriage will be like and then we find it is not what we planned. Although not intentional, it is what it is. When you find yourself no longer blinded by love and feel like you are taken advantage of it is time to make changes. Everyone says fight, fight, fight for you marriage. But sometimes it really is not worth the fight, especially when you realize everyone could be much happier if things were different and if you suppose only makes changes to woo you back and then is back to the same ole stuff a few weeks later. When do u decide it is no longer worth going thru the same thing over and over again and feeling like your life is being wasted because nothing ever changes?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:11 AM on Jun. 22, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • There are times when you can only fight so hard and so long. There will be cases that both sides don't do enough, or it still just doesn't come to an accepted middle ground. Marriages fail at times, and they succeed at times. Just like everything else in this life, you do what you have to do to make yourself stronger and better. You deal with it and put it behind you and rebuild, move on. Honestly, people can sit there and say you took a vow and you should fight, etc...but none of us live in your house, sleep with your husband or walk in your shoes.

    This decision is yours and your husband's ONLY. You need to do what is right for you and your children. If things are that unhappy and will not work, staying for the kids is a huge mistake. Trust me, they will not be happy about it.

    Answer by rio_burb at 11:18 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • Its over when you can say that you are working on you, your issues, your part of the relationship and the other person isn't doing any of the above. I'd try couples counseling though.

    Answer by kuriequinn at 10:15 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • I agree with you keep fighting. Marriage is about sacrafice and you're only supposed to do it once. Don't make the problems in your marriage personal...its not about "me" its about "us!"

    Answer by ABusyBee at 10:17 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • Is it possible to change your expectations? Maybe the idea you had of marriage was wrong. I am remarried after having been divorced, by my ex husband was physically and emotionally abusive. This time, I alway love my husband, but it is not alway rainbows and butterflies. there are times where I feel like we are more roomates then soulmates. My best friend has been married for 42 years and she says that there are times you just hvae to be patient adn wait.
    There is not enough space here to go through all that you can do, but marriage is not about throwing it all away because it's not living up to your expectations. If he is abusive--then by all means, leave. but maybe your idea of marriage was not what he imagined either. You need to find middle ground. Marriage is not about the husband or the wife, it is about the both of you together.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • Love is a state of mind merely something that even lasts. But when you love someone since the. Beginning its worth it. Weather u win or lose. You gain from the experience. Once u get married it should be your priority not an option.. I understand tho. U have to keep ur head up for both of u in the relationship. Remember its two of you now not just one heart to think about.

    Answer by elliebaby at 10:21 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • The anon above makes a very good point, I can't really think of anything better than that.

    Answer by heratyc at 12:56 PM on Jun. 22, 2010