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Would you stay with a man that continually threatens divorce?

Not because he really means but just as a way to "threaten" you. My husband has done that at least 5 times in the last two years. I asked him why and he said as a threat. Basically if things don't go his way in a disagreement he throws it out there. Last time I told him that it is not a threat anymore and if the fact that he keeps saying it pretty much tells me that he may actually deep down want a divorce. I think the real reason that it has not happened is because of the kids. If not for them I think it may have happened already. How is someone suppose to want to stay in a marriage with someone that you don't think actually wants to be married to you anymore and is simply because of convenience?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Jun. 22, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • Nope, I wouldn't stay. Saying it once in the heat of a very huge argument, he might get away with it. But if it continued, if he continued using it as a threat and a means of "controlling" the situation, well then I would give him what he wants. My mother always said, BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR, YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT. A spouse should never threaten another spouse in an attempt to manipulate them. It is wrong, childish, and disrespectful. I also think it breaks down the marriage after time. Unacceptable behavior, that's what I call it.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 12:51 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • No because that is a childish and extremely immature way to handle things. Id happily give him what he wants after the first "threat"
    AngeLnChainZ

    Answer by AngeLnChainZ at 10:18 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • I wouldn't stay in it
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:18 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • My ex did that--he was a bully--he was emotionally abusive most of the time, the divorce threats go with that. I got tired of being bullied and when he became more physically abusive, while threatening divorce. I divorced him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • I called his bluff. he realized that if he was gonna put it out there, to expect that I would take him up on the offer. It's a form of manipulation or a way to keep you in line. I told him that the next time he says it, he better be prepared to follow thru with it. he never said it again because he knew I was serious. However, I told him I wanted a divorce a year after and I wasn't bluffing.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:19 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • I am on the opposite side of that. I don't want to stay in my marriage but do so because two incomes is so much easier than one. Its not that I am unhappy, but I would be much happier by myself. I have let out the 'threat' on several occasions but DH takes it as a joke. It would break him if he found out how I actually feel. So I have no advice for you except that if everything else is going well I would just stay. Its not that I don't love him, I was just meant to be an old maid.
    ashisamom

    Answer by ashisamom at 10:19 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • I don't think he doesn't want to be with you, but I can see where you are coming from. The big D should never be said unless it is what the person REALLY means, and it should never be said while angry. He is just trying to pull his weght, but he is going about it all wrong. Both of you make a rule or 2 in your marriage each. My husband gave me "do not swear at me when you're mad." I am guilty of it and its hard to remember but its gotten a lot better. I asked that he not take off when he doesn't agree with me. We both have the rule not to say divorce. When that word is used it puts you back in square one and any effort made to save the marriage he then has forefitted.
    ABusyBee

    Answer by ABusyBee at 10:22 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • that is a lot of times for it not to have any real fondation of truth
    have you ever said it?
    maybe you should and see how he reacts
    do so when not in fight, ask him he he means it even at a small level??

    good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • i have friends who threaten divorce almost every time they fight. I think it lost it's meaning to them after it's been used so much. It makes me sick to my stomach that people who are supposed to love each other & work through the hard times use the "D" word so frivolously.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:26 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • My husband does this all the time when we have our "big fights" which is about 2x a year. We have these huge blowouts, and he always appologizes, but he says he thinks that I want a divorce and that's why he says it. In some ways when it's that bad, yeah I wish he'd just go away....but for the rest of the 363 days a year I love him dearly and don't want that for us.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on Jun. 22, 2010

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