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i have court in a few days for custody of my kids. i need to vent....

their father has had nothing to do with them for almost two years. he hasnt called since december and hasnt even attempted to see them since july of last year. he has even per the courts had a set time to call them (6 pm on any givin weekday) and it has been a month and half and still no calls....i left him because he had drug issues. but all of a sudden he wants the kids. (well the new woman in his life wants him to have the kids) she has started drama with me saying i kidnapped them and all kinds of crap. yes i did leave state with them i had nowhere to go but to my home state where my fam was. i had no choice. but he knew a month prior we were leaving and why. and he even drove us to the airport the day we left. that is hardly kidnapping. i was hoping it would only be the father coming for court but he is bringing her. do i have to allow her over my house? cont....

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:46 PM on Jun. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I have been through a divorce (and ex's GF) and I know how hard it is...they don't realize how it affects the kids either--just try and keep the "drama" to a minimum--be the "bigger woman"-you'll come out on top and your kids will be better for it. The GF will get hers one day-you leave that little heifer to Karma!! lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:09 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • i in no way want to keep the kids from their dad. but he has to build a relationship with and prove to me he is clean before i will ever allow him to take the kid ANYWHERE alone. i dont think i am being unreasonable. but this is non of the other girls buisness...do i have to allow her over during his visit? she is only coming to start drama. i saw on one of her web pages they said leaving for Okc...(where we live) then said watch out for rednecks. i mean really? that additude right there shows me she is coming here to start crap. luckly i talked my brother to coming to court with me so i dont have to go bymyself. (he is currently Mr oklahoma) how is that for redneck? ne ways i am annoyed frustrated and feeling like i am being punished for protecting my kids....what do i do?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • You have the right to refuse entry to any one into your house for whatever reason. Its gonna start some drama if she shows up & you refuse to let her in. Maybe let her in till she gets rude then politely ask her to wait in the car. In fact get it in the custody agreement that she isn't allowed to be around your children until...whatever stipulations you want to put in. Explain to the judge that you don't think its healthy for alot of random women to be coming in & out of their lives & until they have an established relationship & he is passing drug tests regularly then they can have alone time w/ kids. Some times we have to take the punishment to protect our kids, that's what mom's do! You're strong, rely on your family & remember that soon this will all be a memory, life will continue on past this day, just gotta make it thru. Protect your kids & fight!
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 5:57 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • do you have any court orders??? Sounds like you don't--were u married??

    No, you don't have to even see this lady-she is just trying to start trouble...is she just the GF?? Then she has absolutely no say in anything...you may not be able to stop her from going to the court house though-it's a public place.

    What I would suggest is meeting with your ex, alone, in a public place without the kids at first...just the two of you. Feel him out for what he is looking for...
    Let your kids talk to him on the phone first-it's an adjustment for them too-then maybe a SUPERVISED visit at mcdonalds or something. "She" is NOT invited-the kids don't need that..
    Then get yourself a GOOD lawyer...document EVERYTHING...and go from there.
    Listen to your gut and don't let your kids out of your sight until orders are in place. It's a mess but it sounds like you need to do it.
    Good luck......
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • ty ladies....i just dont want any drama...the kids are 3 and 5 and they have no idea this is going on. since leaving him 2 1/2 years ago they have not been subjected to any fighting what so ever. i dont want them to know about this right now. they dont need their live disrupted by drama or adults getting pissy....it jsut isnt good for them. if she can hold her tongue and be civil i may be wiling to deal with it. but she puts he two cents in and she has never met them nor talked to them. it is between me and the ex. not me him and my family and not me him and his fam/gf.....i just want this to be over. i was assured by my lawyer because of the XH's lack of relationship with the kids. he will not get them. and it is true their father is a practical stranger to them. and it is sad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:04 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • ty anon :02...we were married. and are going to court thursday for the custody hearing. my lawyer is awesome. i am just worried about her starting drama.....i dont like drama....i try to be an easy going person. but i cant allow someone to disrespect me in my own home. he already dodged one drug test....we were supposed to go to court a few weeks ago....he was told the day b4 about the drug test and all of a sudden he couldnt get off work. even though he had over a month notice of the court date.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:15 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • You don't have to allow her in your house but, it will cause drama. If she is just a girlfriend, then she would stay at arms distance as long as I could control it. If he is awarded unsupervised visits then there really is nothing you can do about the girlfriend being around them, unfortunately. Good luck in court. I would ask that the girlfriend not be allowed in the court room if its closed. I wasn't allowed in the court room when my husband took custody of his son and we were married.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:55 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • My 1st marriage ended up in divorce and I totally understand your situation! Fortunately for me my ex stayed away and now my husband has raised my children. I'm sorry you must go through this and unfortunately he has that right to see them. If this is something that the GF is doing and it is totally by her persuasion that he is doing this maybe......hopefully.......his visits will decrease as time goes by and the relationship with his girlfriend becomes "old". This GF might not realize what she is asking for. The responsibility, the traveling to and from to pick up the kids, etc. The kids might not take a liking to her and because they are so young they might have a hard time adjusting. All these "problems" might cause a change of heart in both of them. Keep your head up!!!!! Go to court. His past will be scrutinized by your attorney I am sure and surely the courts will take it into strong consideration.
    melcy

    Answer by melcy at 7:08 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • maybe there could be something in the arrangements when u go to court. like dad by himself is allowed to pick kids up? im sure that would not be a problem to arrange. may as well put it in the orders. i hope the outcome works in your favor.
    iamcafemom83

    Answer by iamcafemom83 at 7:23 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

  • More than likely your hearing will be done in a private court room and she will have to sit outside the court room and wait for you guys to be done. As will your brother most likely...unless at a given point you guys are asked to produce witnesses. You should really give your lawyer a call and ask what to expect, getting the details before hand may help out your anxieties and fears. I've went thru a couple different experiences such as you've described...not exactly but similiar enough.
    From what you have described, you are the one with the upperhand, keep your cool and your confidence. Say a prayer. I wish you the best of luck tomorrow.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 7:30 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

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