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Fairytale life shattering...

I don't have answers. we've been through a lot through our few years of marriage, and have a three year old, and a boy to be born in less than three months. And my husband has said that he thinks he's falling in love with someone else... My sister-in-law (widow). They spent a lot of time together chatting it up, and after she left, my husband confessed that he was in love with her.

My whole world is collapsing and I don't kow what to do. I don't know if I should be getting a marriage counselor or start looking for a therapist and a divorce attorney. I'm so confused, and I can't even kiss him good night any more. I'm crying so often that I'm surprised every time that I have tears left.

I know what to do from here... How can I make him decide because love and his family...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:06 AM on Jun. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • Most states won't allow a divorce while you are pregnant. Just tell him to crap or get off the pot so you know what to do with your life. He has to choose one of you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • Ok, breathe. He might be in lust with her, not in love with her. There is a huge difference. Get yourself to a marriage counselor. if you have to go alone, then go on your own. You need to get counseling and if he wants to join in, so be it. Right now, we take care of you,,your little one and your unborn baby.hugs to you!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 AM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • Well first off I am sorry you are going through this, I can imagine this is extremely hard on top of your pregnancy. You said your husband told you he may be falling in love with her? What does he say about the future of your marriage? Does he want to stay together, is he looking to be with your sister in law? I think you need to know the answers to that first, if he's willing to work on the marriage then yes, you should seek professional help. Have you had a conversation with the sister in law about her motives with your husband? good luck.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 12:17 AM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • OP: here, and in all honesty, ever since he told me, I suddenly feel ill whenever I feel the baby move. I'm going to regret him. I'm going to see him and see his father. I won't even want to hold him because it's a part of him, and it's a part that didn't love me. he told me he felt a connection with her that he'd never felt with me. He said that he though he was numb to those feelings after he came back from the war, but she was the one to wake them up in him. I haven't been able to get a straight answer on whether it's over or not...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 AM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • What?? Tell him to forget her NOW, he's married and has children counting on him to do the right thing.Then call your sister in law and let her have it. What are they thinking?? Wasn't he once in love with you? So now he's in love with her and next year it will be somebody else? What about the vows he made and the children he brought into the world?? Both of them need to be smacked upside the head. I would go get a free consultation with a divorce attorney. Find out your options then sit down with him and let him have it. Either he gets his head together and leaves her now or you file for divorce. Explain to him exactly what that means financially for the next 20 years or so. If he doesn't come to his senses immediately then you know what you have to do. Why do people insist on making such stupid, selfish mistakes? I feel for you honey. :)
    Blabbermouth

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 12:17 AM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • (((HUGS))) Wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I would sit him down and ask him to pick. This would be hard but it would give you a plan and a starting place. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:20 AM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • Why let him decide? This is YOUR life. He is a huge part of it, but you need to do what is good for you. I would go to therapy for yourself and then, if you decide, therapy/counseling together. This is a huge decision and you should not leave it just to him. Once you start making some decisions him might realize what is in jeopardy and come to his senses. And if he doesn't, well, you will be much better prepared.

    Good luck. Take care of yourself and the children.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 12:20 AM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • So this sister in law, she was married to your husband's brother? And then your husband's brother passed away? It's likely that they bonded over their common grief. That's a devastating blow for both of them. I'd approach your husband delicately. Bring up the possibility that he is transferring his feelings for his brother onto his brother's wife. Maybe loving her makes him feel some how closer to him. Ask him to go to counseling with you. If he's not interested in working on your marriage, you can't make him.

    Just know that even in the worst case scenario, in time your wounds will heal. It may hurt a lot, for a really long time, but it's not the end of happiness for you - it's an unfortunate and heart breaking hurtle, but it's not the end.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 12:20 AM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • My ex was abusive and went to jail for domestic violence. My babies look just like dad,,but not once, in 7 yrs of being a single parent, has my love changed for my kids b/c of their dad. In fact, they have kept me going. That baby in your tummy will keep you going no matter what, she or he is on your side now and forever! I promise!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • i wouldnt waite around for him to make up his mind he is confussed.... i think you need to kick him out until he makes up his mind.... and as for your kids well thats just it they are your kids and they will alwasy love you and i know as a mother you love them..i can see why you would think that this new baby maybe a mistake but you didnt know he was "in love with another when you got prego you cant control everything... my son father left after making me keep the baby but i wouldnt give him up for the world now even tho at 7 months along he told me he found another and didnt want anything to do with me or my child ever.... i was 17 then and its been a lil over 4 years it dose get better.... if he want to be with her then let him but nevver take him back.. you will live tho this you will find love agian someday... good luck stay strong...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 AM on Jun. 23, 2010

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