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How the heck do you ladies do it?

Okay, I really need some advice. I have six children (thats not my problem : >) and i have been married on and off for the about ten years. For the first eight years I was a stay-at-home mom, after he cheated on me and we separated for a year I found a job and we have been trying to work thing out.

I work M-F and he stays home with my three little ones. He does not help me with the chores around the house, therefore when i get home i end up making sure the kids are showered, fed and put to bed, and then when the kids are in bed i end up cleaning, and doing laundry at 12 or 1 o'clock in the morning and all this while he sits on the couch watching tv. I've asked for his help nicely and not so nicely but i alway get the same result.
He leaves for a day or so and comes back promising to help me, so far i have fallen for it.
Am i overreacitng? what do you think? what would you do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on Jun. 27, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • No your not over reacting. If he wont put in his fair share, out he should go!
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 10:48 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • Tough love works on hubbies too. Stop! Stop doing it all, when it falls behind, when he has no clean undies, when the dishes are stacked to the ceiling...he may get a clue!!! lOL Sometimes words don't work with men ...we have to show em! LOL good luck!
    MommasCooCoo

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 10:54 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • You say he stays at home with the three little ones, does he not have a job? As a single parent I know it gets lonely life can seem, and sometimes so overwhelming you just want someone to share the responsibility, stress, and worry with. It sounds like you are only sharing a bed with a selfish, lazy, lying man. Put yourself in your own shoes, look at your life. If this is what you want for your and your childrens future, by all means stay in this relationship. If it isn't, if you want someone to share your everyday and night responsibilities and joys and trials with, as well as the parenting and laundry, break away quickly.
    This man cheated on you and you have taken him back several times and he always promises he has changed and things will be different. Has anything changed? for the good?
    Do what is best for yourself and your children. If they grow up seeing a father that does nothing they will become adults believing you don't have to work for a living.
    AnneZbeth

    Answer by AnneZbeth at 10:54 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • Do you love him? Or is he comfortable? What do you value in a relationship? He doesn't seem to have respect for you from what you are saying, but does he show it in other ways. Personally I feel vows are sacred, but he seems to have thrown those out the window. You are entitled to check out your alternatives. Seeing you other options may make you feel more secure in the decisions you have already made or prompt you to take a new path. Please dont argue or insult him in front of your kids, but dont lie for or excuse him either
    h3art2h0m3

    Answer by h3art2h0m3 at 11:06 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • pray about it...seriously pray...things can change...it worked for me!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • Do what? I wouldn't do what you are doing! Since it seems you are the sole provider, he needs to be the primary house manager. What was it like when you were a SAHM? I doubt he came home and did it all while you sat and watched t.v. You need to be clear about what the roles are going to be and then stick to the plan. Marriage is working together as you know. If he doesn't follow through, you know what you need to do.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 12:11 AM on Jun. 28, 2008

  • I agree what is he doing if he can't even get the kids ready for bed?? He's not being fair to you and your kids! Does he watch tv all day does he supervise the kids at all? I would wash my kids clothes and make sure my kids had what they needed and when he didn't have clean clothes, or a place at the dinner table. Maybe then he can take the hint to help and if he doesn't give him the boot! Address him privatly and the situation calmly as you can. If you can't get him to participate in the marriage then you might be better off withoout him? Double check your heart,and the situations.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 AM on Jun. 28, 2008

  • Was it his idea to be Mr Mom? Some men resent it. Some men still think of parenting and housework as "woman's" work. They think when they watch the kids it's "babysitting". Is day care an option so he can work as well? It sounds to me like he has an anger and self esteem problem but then again I'm not a professional. I would get the kids to bed and sit down with him and discuss what's up with him. Ask him what he wants. Tell him that it's just too much for you to do all by yourself and that you need him. (men love that) Tell him how much being a family means to you and how with his help you two could have a great life, kids and all! Just like SAHM, men who stay at home want to feel appreciated and needed. If all that fails, kick him in the behind! lol
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:53 AM on Jun. 28, 2008

  • Talk to him! Tell him how you feel....
    sondrajoy

    Answer by sondrajoy at 2:10 AM on Jun. 28, 2008

  • If the two of you sat down and discussed this before then he isn't holding up to his end of the bargain here. If you are the sole supporter, then he should be the house manager. It isn't fair for him to use the "well its the woman's job" excuse. While men are not talented in the multi tasking area, he could be more organized and get something done while you are at work. It isn't ok that you are up at midnight doing laundry. Try going to him and asking him how he would like to see things get done around the house? Tell him that you are way to tired at night to do all the cleaning and the laundry and take care of the kids. If he is still giving you attitude about it, then pose to him what he thinks should be done about it. Maybe he is struggling with being at home and not the one working. Maybe if you can get to the root of his issue then the two of you can begin to make things work for the good of the family.
    BreakingFree

    Answer by BreakingFree at 7:48 AM on Jun. 28, 2008

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