Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Fathers Day Snub

My husband of one year was not contacted fdby his biological children ages 21 & 19. My two youngest still at home, 14 and 15 gave their step dad cards and hugs. 21 year old is male senior in college at a 'Christian' school with major in Psychology with minor in youth minstry. 19YO female just completed freshman year at same college as her brother. I met their dad in 2006 just as he separated from his wife of 28 years. We married in 2009. His relationship with the two kids has been strained throughout this time. He does not seem to want to put forth effort to communicate. They communicate only on gift giving occasions for themselves. (young adult kids) They were raised with supposed deep religious convictions but were given much in the mateial sense during their parents marriage. Much less since as Dad had to take job w/ much less pay. Dad pays X alimony monthly & will for another 8/9 yrs. How to help the kids & da

Answer Question
 
Outdoorlife

Asked by Outdoorlife at 9:54 AM on Jun. 23, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • I think you should encourage him to visit the kids and spend time with them. They ar prob hurt about their parents relationship and now he is with someone new. They probably dont know how they fit in and it is dads job to reach out to them and pull them back in. He needs to chase after them and let them know no matter what he will do anything to reach them and love them. They may have many feelings that he abandoned the family (they may not be right but it is his job to clear it up).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:21 AM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • My DH has 3 adult kids from his previous marriage, one of them is not his bio kid. And they don't call or come over for father's day. But he has 2 adult kids by me, and they always come over with gifts and cards for father's day & mother's day. At least my DH has 2 kids that care about him.
    Honda309

    Answer by Honda309 at 10:22 AM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • If your husband does not want to put forth the effort then what can you do? Don't fault the kids. They are just following his example.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • that probably has something to do with their relationship with him. he may have always been the type to spend money on them and what not, but we all know that being parents is much more than material. i'm not saying your husband was/is a bad father, i'm just saying something that we all already know, money cant buy a relationship. its probably deep resentment. i know my stepbrothers and sisters dont appreciate my stepdad, but they love the money he puts in their bank accounts every two weeks. but, he didnt raise them their mom did in GA while he was in CA married to a lady that had a family and supported them (now divorced and with my mom). its something that has to do with their relationship with him and they wont talk about it till they're ready. just be supportive of your husband and his feelings, and help him understand both points of view when/if the time comes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:54 AM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • I agree with the second post
    mltest23

    Answer by mltest23 at 10:25 AM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • you need to make an effort to invite his children over. Maybe the kids feel that they were replaced, encourage your husband to give his kids calls and invite them over.
    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 2:03 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • Step parenting is never an easy job. All you can do is encourage on both sides, and ultimately the choices are theirs to make.
    Maggiemae4

    Answer by Maggiemae4 at 2:59 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN