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TMI: How Can I tell him it has to stop!?

I know my husband has been masturbating A LOT! And it grosses me out. Not only that but he ALWAYS turns me down. Not just mostly, its every time. It doesn't matter how I try to come on to him, he just "doesn't feel like it". But then that night he jerks off! I'm DONE with it! And he KNOWS it bugs me, I told him! But apparently I didn't say the correct words. What can I say that might make him change!?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:03 PM on Jun. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (1)
  • I would be upset too. Masturbating is one thing, but if he is turning you done to jack off, that is just crazy. I would have a serious talk with him. Why would he want to masturbate when his wife is willing, I've seen a bunch of posts on here where the woman doesn't want to give the man any and still doesn't want him to masturbate but this is totally different.
    How is your relationship in all other aspects? Do you get along good? Lots of fighting? If there isn't some other underlying problem in your relationship I don't know what it could be, How long has it been going on?

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 12:10 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • Ask him straight up what the deal is. If he doesnt want to have sex with you for a specific reason, you have the right to know. What is his hand doing that is so much better than what you do??

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 12:05 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • Its been going on for several months. We were fighting a lot, but we've both agreed we want to try to and work things out and get along.. I think he's addicted to porn to be honest. He says he doesnt watch it, but I'm pretty sure he's lieing. He does this act in his office usually, or just leaves his office and goes straight to the bathroom and he doesn't realize I'm awake. I feel like he's some type of pervert.. it really grosses me out, who needs to masturbate daily!?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • You can't make anyone stop masterbating, looking at porn etc.. If you continue to nag he will just hide it from you and he's probably turning you down because he doesn't want you. Sorry but it's true. And if my SO nagged me like you did and called me a pervert I wouldn't want anything to do with them either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • You have to find out what the deal is here sister. Start by not ever letting him be alone long enough to toss one off. Then have a heart to horn talk with Blue Steel Loner and see what his problem is. What rational man prefers his luke warm hand to the steaming honey pot? Beautiful, satisfying intimate sexual experiences are what keep love alive in a relationship and yours is slowly dying. You need to get some answers now. Is he finished with you? Is divorce the next step? Is he just a kid in a candy shop and can't control himself? Will therapy help? This problem isn't going away and you need some answers before it gets ugly. Tape his nimble hands together, find his porn and throw it out, then stake a claim to what is rightfully yours baby. The ship is sinking and he's acting like a lonely teenager with a terminal turbo. Take charge girl... and good luck!

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 12:24 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • I would tell him to choose between me or the porn/hand. I wouldn't stay in a relationship like this.

    Answer by lowencope at 12:29 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • I never called him a pervert to his face.. yeah like he's some kind of a telepathic and knows that I just wrote that! And I don't nag him, i only brought it up once because he had JUST turned me down hours before. Claiming to be "SOOO SICK"..
    And I WISH it was just as easy as throwing his porn out. But he has a password protected computer and I'm sure its an online porn site we USED to watch together! And yes, you're completely right.. our relationship is dying! He touches me so little that when he finally does it makes me feel uncomfortable.. We FINALLY had sex ONE time, first time in like FOREVER.. and I felt that i didn't know what to do it had been so long, then I realized the next day that he had just masturbated the morning after it! Whats so wrong with me? I'm an attractive girl! And about never letting him be alone.. he stays up almost ALL night. Its been like that for a long time.If I wake up around 4 am hes still up

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • LOL thanks anonymous.. but its been down to begging. The answer is no...

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • he's probably turning you down because he doesn't want you. Sorry but it's true. And if my SO nagged me like you did and called me a pervert I wouldn't want anything to do with them either. ........this woman is wrong and is a B!^(h

    I am in same boat in a lot of ways, sounds like he has fetish/addiction to me too

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • Honestly, it's time for a break. Tell him EXACTLY how you feel, what you've seen, and what you want out of your relationship (in KIND and CALM words). Be completely honest and point blank about this so that there is no misunderstanding. Tell him that you need a break, that you cannot be with someone that prefers his secret office/bathroom life to his wife. Then leave for a while so he can have time to think. Try marriage counseling, and if he refuses to go, go alone. If he doesn't want to work things out, there's nothing more that you can do. I know it'll hurt, but it will be for the best I think. His addiction is just like any other addiction out there and he is the only one that can get help for himself.


    Answer by -xoxo- at 1:04 PM on Jun. 23, 2010