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advice. (kinda long)

my mil is crazy, she hates me and my brother inlaw hates me, (like really they hate me and try to convince my husband to leave me, hasnt worked thank goodness lol). but my question is, my dds bday party is this weekend, she will be 3, they have seen her 3 times since the day she was born. my husband thinks im being mean and not inviting them, in my opinion i dont think they deserve to be there. but should i be the bigger person, suck it up, and invite them??? what would you do? im confused, i want to invite them to show my husband im the better person here but i dont want to cause they dont deserve to see her. my mil said my husband needs to leave me and his daughter cause she doesnt matter. the only thing he should worry about is his mom and grandmother. thats the main reason im so pissed off. she can say what she wants about me but why bring my daughter into it ya know what i mean? thank in advance.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Jun. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • is your husband telling you she's saying these things? honestly, if her opinion is that the child doesn't matter, then i wouldn't bother sending her an invitation to a party. they know what her birthday is - if they want to acknowledge her through gifts or a celebration, they can certainly do so on their time. your husband needs to be the one to have a discussion with his mother and let her know he expects her to respect his decision to be with you and be a parent and let him be a man and a father without interference, whether or not she likes you. SHE doesn't have to live with you, HE does - that's HIS choice. if she is saying all these things to him he should stop it. what kind of mother doesn't want their son to take responsibility for his child??
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:52 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • I don't know the history here but it seems like if she does not like you it won't matter if you invite her or not because she probably won't come anyway. Your husband wants you to put yourself out there and invite them but will he be upset with them if they don't come? or just you for not inviting them?
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 12:53 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • I agree with you.... figaro8895.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 12:55 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • op here
    - no she said these things to me, my husband knows what she has said and she has said them to him as well. but he doesnt seem to care. he wont stand up for me or himself or our dd and say something to her. he lets it go on and on. and in the end i get blamed for it. and she probably wont come, and he would probably just be upset with me for not inviting them. for some reason he lets her get in his head and im the bad guy in the situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • Being the bigger person and just inviting them is the way to go. If they behave badly toward or in front of your DD, then don't invite them again. Are they mean to your DD? If not, then yes, they "deserve" to be part of her life, they are her family. If they start being mean to her, then that is a different story. Why doesn't your MIL and BIL like you? Is it something that can be fixed if you have a discussion with them?
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 1:01 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • I wouldn't invite them...why do you have to be the bigger person in this? You know how they feel about you and I'm sure your dd has picked up on the vibes so why ruin her day? If your dh gets upset, then let him...if he would've stepped in a long time ago to stop his mother's behavior, then you wouldnt have to deal with this today...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:12 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • they dont like me because my husband no longer takes care of them, he used to be financially responsible for them, now he takes care of me and our dd. he used to do everything for them. he used to pay bills, buy them clothes and shoes, because his mother would spend her money on drugs and he did it for his brother because his mother spent all her money on drugs. but now his mom and brother live with the gram, but now that he has a kid he takes care of us and not them and they dont like me or my dd because of that. and they arent mean to her, they dont see her to be mean to her, i used to invite them over to see her and try to make plans for them to see her, but they always had something better to do. and my husband will never step in and try to stop it. i dont know why but he wont.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:22 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • I would not invite them for lack of respect for our family. Although I'm all for tryng to be the bigger person, in this case I would completely not invite them and if they ask wouldd just gently say that you don't need that type of negativity for your little girls birthday. If they are willing to suck up their feelings for you and be "family" for a day then you would be more willing to have them come. Good luck Hun
    ProudMammaMia

    Answer by ProudMammaMia at 1:26 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • thanks for all the advice ladies.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:27 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

  • Based on what you said in the responses, OP, I take back the "be the bigger person" advice. Neither you or your daughter need that kind of trash in your life. What a couple of losers!!
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 2:25 PM on Jun. 23, 2010

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