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He's so angry with me lately...

My husband had been unemployed for over a year. In that time frame, he took 3 jobs and was laid off of each one because of the economy. Together, we decided to bankrupt (no bashing, please) and include our house (which we could no longer afford the payment on, and which became too small for our family). My parents are building us a place to live. My mom works for the school district, and once her job is done for the summer (in a week), she will be watching our kids while we work. Until then, he is on his own (with my handicap dad's direction) in getting the grounds ready to build. He comes home hateful and disgusted with me every day. He said I should be out there doing it and he can watch the kids. He negatively jabs at me a dozen time a night. Yes, this is a stressful time, but his main problem is that he wants things handed to him and resents change and resents having to do physical labor that he didn't choose. (con't)...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:34 AM on Jun. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Usually when people lash out at others, even if it is at the most important person in their life, it is because he is so unhappy with himself that it makes him feel better to make others feel worse. Its odd and totally unfair but is unfortunatly something us humans do. You should NEVER have to put up with or be quiet about being bashed just to keep peace. That is so wrong on his part. I'd suggest some counseling and if he wont go along, go yourself. Perhaps he will go eventually.

    In the mean time, when he lashes out at you just calmly state to him that you work hard every day keeping his children safe, fed and clean. That it is unfair that he lash out at you in this way and if he is upset at his life or the situation then talk to you about that with civility and no more bashing. Remind him that only HE CAN change his attitude about it all. Life's not fair but it can be easier when a couple works at it together!
    Mary_D

    Answer by Mary_D at 5:01 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • I bet you he'd get tired of your job at home doing everything else. Maybe you should try it out sometime and have him do your list of to dos during the day.
    My husband's been out of work for almost a year and i'm afraid he'll be like that once he can find a job. We haven't been able to find anything as of yet. The whole situation is not fun....hang in there mama.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 AM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • I think changing roles is a good idea. Not only should you leave him with the kids one, or a few days a week but be sure to let him know that other things come along with staying home. Is he going to be doing laundry that day? Making dinner? bathing the baby? He should be doing all of those things if he wants to trade jobs.
    ErinRenee815

    Answer by ErinRenee815 at 9:45 AM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • OP here (con't)... I know that once everything is said and done, life will calm itself again and things will get better. At the same time, this is where my question arises. Should I be catering to every need of this disrespectful bitter man in the meantime? I clean, I take care of the kids, cook, etc... all my wifely duties. But I am still met with resentment. I know that I should keep my mouth shut in order to keep the peace.... but at the same time, I feel that I shouldn't have to. During the day, I run the kids everywhere that they need to go, I make sure his laundry is done, and I take care of everything around here just like I always have. But he wants me to "suffer" through the work that he is currently doing. I am not sure what to say or do anymore, and I feel that no matter how hard I try, nothing I do is right in his mind currently. The only thing that would change his opinion is if I let him stay with the kids...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 AM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • OP here one more time (con't)... The only thing that would change his opinion is if I let him stay with the kids while I go and work on the grounds (digging, leveling land, etc.) It is a tough situation, and I already have enough on my mind. In my opinion, we should be excited about this project, working together to make a better life for ourselves... but all I get from him is apparent hatred on a daily basis. Help! Any advice? Please be straight forward in your replies, but not rude. I am already dealing with a lot. Thanks!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:40 AM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • If my husband were in that situation he probably would be grumpy by the end of the day too, but he definately wouldn't complain constantly or act like I didn't do any work. He would be so grateful to be DOING something to make our lives better that he'd be stiff and sore and tired at the end of the day, but grateful. It seems like your husband needs a reality check here. Nothing in life is free and sometimes you have to work REALLY HARD in order to get what you need. He doesn't get to sit on his butt all day and have stuff handed to him.

    I agree that he would probably get tired of your duties REAL quick if you switched places. Maybe it's not a bad idea.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:50 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • I would let him have one day of your job, with the cooking, cleaning, watching the kids, taking the kids where they need to go, laundry, etc. And see how long it takes for him to run like hell out to the job he seems to hate so much right now. And if you do something like this, make sure he does everything, go behind him and check, leave a list, and let him know if he doesn't get it all done. If he's going to act like an angry child, I would treat him like a child.
    heratyc

    Answer by heratyc at 1:49 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • My hubby comes home from work from time to time like that . He comes in and will snap for no reason. I just tell him he needs to leave it at the door. What ever happened at work (or where ever he was) stays there. Don't bring it into the house. If he does start I just remind him that he's home now and there's no need to be mean.
    LorisChar

    Answer by LorisChar at 5:40 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

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