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6 Bumps

My sons gf parents hate him .

Keep in mind he is almost 17 and on delayed entry into the Marines and he is not perfect but he is good does not do drugs or drink and is one of those kids who wants to be better but his gf is a certain religion and her parents think he will lead her astray. I want him to date others how do I do this? Her parents will not change their mind?

 
pinkdragon36

Asked by pinkdragon36 at 12:37 PM on Jun. 24, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 40 (117,668 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I have this same problem. Well, it's not my problem, it's my son and his gf's problem.
    Her parents are of a different religion and culture. She grew up respecting their views, but does not believe. My son does not believe in the religion I brought him up in...they are both agnostic, I guess. My son has been introduced to her parents (he is 19, she is 18, they have been together for a year and a half) but he is not welcome at their home. They sneak around behind her parents' backs, and they are welcome here...but I have told them I do not approve of their sneaking around on her parents'. I love this girl, she is great for my son. However, her parents arranged her senior prom date this year with someone they approve of. She went, after a lot of back and forth with my son (I don't want to go without you, no go ahead and go, I dont' want to anyway.)
    I can only sit back and hope for the best.
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 8:27 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I have been in this exaact spot with my sons a few times. We're Jewish and my sons have liked non-Jewish girls. We didn't discourage them from liking them because we know that you can't help who you are interested in but they have liked girls whose parents were 100% against their daughters even thinking about dating a non-Christian. My sons learned that soemetimes that's just how it is. Some parents are so strong in their beliefs that they just want their children to stay within their religious beliefs or cultural surroundings. Your son will eventually see that her parents are going to make it too difficult for them and eventually he'll find a girl whose parents don't care what religion he is, they will look at him for WHO he is and not what he is. You can't really make him see it though. My one son dated a girl for a year before he realized that her mom just wasnn't going to EVER like him, simply because he was Jewish.
    tracylynnr67

    Answer by tracylynnr67 at 12:46 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • You can talk to him about it and see how he feels. If his gf parents are really getting him down....ask him if it's really worth all the drama to continue a relationship with her. See how serious he is about her and go from there. If he is anything like my brother....he won't let them get to his head though. My brother's girlfriend's parents could not stand him but he was head over heels for his girl so just kept on going...never disrespected them but told them that he loved her and that there was nothing he could do to make them like him but there was also nothing anyone could do, including them to make his feelings go away and that the decision was ultimately up to himself and their daughter.

    Trying to persuade him to date others if he's really in to this girl is going to cause way too much drama. He's 17 and has to follow your rules but he will probably try to rebel.
    collegexmamix28

    Answer by collegexmamix28 at 12:43 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • This happens a lot, if I were you I would let it play out, maybe when they get to know him they will change their minds.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:21 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • I was in the same boat when I was 17. My boyfriends parents HATED me, really for no reason, they were just a really weird and close family and didn't want me stealing their baby away (event hough he was 21). They were horribly mean to me and would tell me to my face I wasn't good enough for their son. Looking back I wish my mom would have told me to respect myself more and not out up with how they treated me. Maybe you can teach your son to do the same.
    newmomma14

    Answer by newmomma14 at 6:20 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • That is a shame .My older two both have had bf/gf of a different belief.They included my son or daughter for Seder and they were invited for Christmas and Easter dinners.Marriage was a long way off but if they had stayed together through college and married the religion issues would belong to them not the parents..

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 11:16 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • I guess I don't understand why people don't understand why religion in relationships are important. No matter what your religion or philosophical beliefs are, you DO NOT want to end up with someone who thinks very different then you. It doesn't matter if you are Christina, Jewish, Athiest... whatever. If you just look at how much you love a person, and do not include this very important compatibility factor, then you are just asking for problems.

    To the OP: I would just tell him that if he really wants to date her, he is going to have to investigate her religion. It will be important to her, whether by her choice, or the fact that it is so important to her parents. If he decides that he absolutely could not live with the religion, it's time to move on. I think that it is the most respectful thing to do.
    squish

    Answer by squish at 1:46 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Ask him how he acts around them, Thay feel that he is probley not worthy of there daughter.
    christine121

    Answer by christine121 at 8:18 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • My dh and I also didn't approve of my dd's bf, but he was a legitimate jerk, controlling, whiny and lazy. He tried to tell her she should be w/him forever (at 14/15!!). If your son is really a truly good fellow, that will shine through no matter what the parents think, although the daughter could very well be influenced by their opinion, usually the opposite is true. We backed off and she eventually broke up with this one, and has a new one. This new boy is not her academic equal, but he is very nice, polite and not the least bit controlling. I think what I'm getting at is it all depends on what the reasons are for the gf's parents not liking your son. If they are legitimate, she will eventually end it...if not, maybe they will continue. I'm not sure you have much control over this, but from my perspective, i wish the first bf's parents had talked to him about how he was treating her, but I do think he was secretive about it.
    dflygirl7

    Answer by dflygirl7 at 9:23 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Well, he is going away and it will be for a long time. The relationship will either fizzle out, or they will have one of those "marry so we can be together in the military" weddings. Even IF his girlfriend is saying "my parents are just old-fashioned religious types" that will change when they have children. People tend to revisit their religious roots when they have children. Sharing a world view (of which religious views are a large part--even if your view is atheist) is essential to a lasting marriage.
    happytexasCM

    Answer by happytexasCM at 9:58 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

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