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Need Advice about husband

I have been married to my husband now nine years we have two girls and one on the way. I am wondering what I should do i suspect my husband has been looking at porn on our computer and this is why. We have aol on our home computer and I always delete the history of the search websites and last night on put in the letter g and a bunch of porn sites came up and they were a different color which means they were visited. I also sent my laptop with him when he was gone for a week for his job and when i got it back there was porn in the search box too. He is saying its not him. he blamed it on his roommate wwhich i believed until last night. I dont know enough about computer to know how to check when these sites were visited. And it bothers me that if he is he is being dihonest with me I am very angry at him and dont know how to handle this. He has never cheated and nor have I. Advice please

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Jun. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Have a sit down with him and tell how exactly how him looking at porn makes you feel. If it makes you self conscience, say so. Let him know exactly who and how he is hurting by continuing to look at porn. If he still denies and you know for sure that he is doing it, well that is different. You have to remind him how important honesty is in a marriage.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 12:41 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • is it really a problem if he watches porn? Plenty of guys do that. But I do also understand that some women feel that it is cheating. Sit him down and ask him. Tell him that lying would hurt you more than if he told the truth because a good marriage is based on trust.
    DaGoodLife

    Answer by DaGoodLife at 12:49 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • I think I have a different point off view from many mamas, because I have zero issue with the porn thing--lying, however, will piss me off immediately. My husband has a whole porn collection. His 2 rules are: No lying and no paying for it.
    Cassidhes_Mom

    Answer by Cassidhes_Mom at 12:51 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • I do think it is a problem. If he is married to me then he does not need to be looking at it. It is considered cheating because while he is looking at these other girls and thinking of them getting off he is cheating with his mind. Especially when I have a whole file folder on our computer of me naked and playing just for him. Naughty pics. I have brought it up to him and if he is he needs to tell me the truth I should not have to beat it out of him.
    HeatherG82

    Answer by HeatherG82 at 12:53 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • all guys look at porn. if you make it a big deal he will just cover it up and it will make you more upset. the internet has made it easy for guys to look at porn and thats not going away. now, if hes actually chatting or webcaming these ladies (as in spending $) then i'd have a huge problem. i think of the porn as no different than him looking at a playboy book. i'd set him straight and tell him you dont mind him looking at pictures but for him to talk to these women or be involved in a webcam situation is cheating and you wont tolerate that. you can also install a keylogger on your computer to show all the sites visited or better yet buy a program that blocks all the porn if its that big of an issue.being pregnant can cause you to be extra sensitive so be sure to run any ideas by a friend you trust first.
    lillie70

    Answer by lillie70 at 12:55 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • I dont mind watching it with him but we dont ever do that. But him alone when I am in bed because I am feeling shity because I am pregnant is just wrong.
    HeatherG82

    Answer by HeatherG82 at 12:56 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • No see I disagree with you Lillie and it wont happend it has nothing to do with me being pregnant my sisters marriage enede over porn. I dont want it it is considerd cheating just looking at pictures. We are christain and I go by what the word says and to think it is cheating. If he needs to be a pig and use his hand then look at pics of your wife and get off with those. When it happend before I was not pregnant and just did not have cafe mom. I know alot of guys do but mine will not or there will be problems. Yeah and alot of couples are sleeping with mutilple partners and cheating on each other.
    HeatherG82

    Answer by HeatherG82 at 1:00 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • I believe that if you don't want him looking at it and you have told him so, and he continues to do it, you are going to have to come up with some kind of consequences for having crossed your established boundary. It might be sleeping in another room until he stops it or it might be moving out until he gets professional help to break the habit. Whatever you decide the consequences to be, you must be prepared to follow through on it. Do not threaten to leave him if you don't plan to do it, perhaps having gone so far as to already made arrangements for a place to live. This would be a very serious offense in my marriage, so I totally appreciate your being upset by it. I believe that part of the vows of marriage when he promised to forsake all others literally meant ALL others, period, end of sentence. And so I would take this as a breaking of those vows and serious enough to do something about.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:01 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • I agree Nanny B thanks
    HeatherG82

    Answer by HeatherG82 at 1:05 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

  • If you have dial up then you could check the time charged and see if his username or if it was his roommates.
    momofne

    Answer by momofne at 1:06 PM on Jun. 24, 2010

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