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3 Bumps

Love one more than the other??? NO BASHING

I have a 7 yr old daughter, she doesnt live with me. She lives with my mom. She has since she was a baby. I had her young and I still lived at my moms.( Long story why she lives mom was a controll freak.) I see her alot. We do things together and everything. I dont have her living with me now cuz she I dont wanna have her make that big change in her life since she has always been there. I now have a one yr old son. My children get along great she loves her lil brother. I feel like I am over protective of my son cuz I missed out on alot of stuff with my daughter. I am ALWAYS with him. Im afraid that she might think I love him more which I dont. I try to have one on one time with her but I dont know if that is enough....Some advice please....

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on Jun. 24, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • Ok, I'm going to be totally honest with you and i'm not trying to get down on you, but your daughter will eventually, if she doesn't already, think "why does mom love him more than she loves me" "why does mom want him and not me" "why does mom not want me living with her but my brother can".....
    I think, in my opinion, that it would be best if you had her come live with you...
    It says a lot that your even having thoughts like this, because chances are....that's what she's thinking.

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 12:01 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I would seriously consider having her come live with you. Start gradual, like every weekend, then maybe 4 days a week and so on. She is still very young (meaning she will adapt well to the change). Grandma's are great, but a child will still long for their mother. I speak this from my own personal experience. I was raised by my grandmother.

    Answer by JeanetteRene at 12:02 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • i do not entirely agree with CAgirl
    YES, your daughter has, or will have those thoughts. However, that does not mean that the best thing for her is to move in with you. Besides, at this point, if you mother is not willing to hand her over nicely, it sounds like it would be a long hard custody battle which is likely to result in a family feud.

    However, that doesn't mean you can't talk to her about it. And, maybe even work out a partial custody at first. Like over night once a month for 6 months, and then every other weekend for 6 months, and then every weekend for 6 months.

    Whatever you and her are comfortable with. Be honest and open and loving with your daughter and in time, she will realize that you did your best.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:05 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I think you should make sure she has her own room at your home. Make it a space that loves and feels comfortable with and slowly get her use being at your home by letting her stay a night or two work up more until she is at your home more than Grandma's. Just a suggestion...Good luck :-)

    Answer by marilyp at 12:06 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I agree with the previous posters. I have a seven year old and they are very adaptable but think a lot about the whys. My daughter thinks at times that I love her sister more because I have more one on one time with her but its not true. My other just has some mental issues that require more attention. I think it would be best if you could arrange for her to live with you.

    Answer by ashisamom at 12:07 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • My 5 year old daughter lives with my Husbands Aunt (long story). We see her daily and have plenty of time with her. We let her know that she can always come home and ask her often to come live with us. As she gets older we have all agreed that we will not let her play the back and forth game because she doesn't get her way. We have had this arrangement for four years now and it works. Sometimes I do get a little jealous and I do get upset, having three boys she is my only little girl. However I also know that there is enough love in a childs heart to go around. I know that my husbands Aunt would lay down her life for my daughter. They are two peas in a pod and my daughter has been therapeutic for my husbands Aunt. My daughter knows who her Mommy is.

    I say ask her if she wants to come and live with you or at least make sure that she knows that she can come live with Mom if she wants to.

    Answer by kc932 at 8:54 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

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