Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

7 Bumps

Baby interrupts "mommy & daddy" time... (NO BASHING!)

So it's late, we're getting ready to go to bed... and we're in the middle of being VERY intimate... when baby awakens. Usually it's a simple "shhh..." and he's out, but not tonight. I go to grab my robe, while doing so husband asks "what are you doing?" .... uhh, duh, getting up with baby?! "Oh... well will you close the door then?" and rolls over, covering up and getting cozy in bed by himself.

I'm livid!!

It's hard enough getting a moment to ourselves to be "together"... but does he have to be so insensitive about it?! I mean really! I really don't care if I'm overreacting, it's still not fair you seem to purposely ignore my feelings at all and get to go to sleep while I get up with a crying/hungry/wet infant.

Am I alone here in feeling completely stepped on?!

....and NO bitchy answers, I'm not in the mood, I'm already mad/upsey enough. Someone please give me some consolation!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:56 AM on Jun. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • It's normal to feel that way. Are you a SAHM? Does he work? Babies to make things difficult. After you cool down, perhaps you should write down what you were feeling and maybe even talk to him about how you felt that he was being insensitive.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:59 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I think most guys don't get it. We (women) are most always the ones to get up with the baby. Next time it happens you could ask him to get up with the baby. If you're breast feeding you could ask him to bring the baby to you and you two could cuddle while you feed the baby.

    I know that my husband can seem very insensitive and he doesn't understand or realizes he's doing it. Tomorrow i'd talk to him and tell him he was being insensitive towards you. If he's anything like my hubby he may not have realized. Once you guys talk you might feel a bit better.

    Answer by SolaraDarkset at 1:02 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I agree with the PP he need to understand the baby comes first no matter what.


    Answer by Mom2princessq at 1:02 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I know what you mean. Somethings that have helped us out is
    1. Getting our LO on a regular night time routine...Sleep by 9pm
    2. Know your LO's schedule...Mine gets up every 3+ hours to nurse for about 5 minutes then back to sleep for him
    3. Take turns...1st have him get up, change diaper, then you get up and effort so it's not just you doing everything
    4. Plan your intimacy around the above

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 1:02 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I wish I were a SAHM! Not just yet.... we recently just became debt free (yay Dave Ramsey and Financial Peace!) and we're saving for a house, so my current income is TOTALLY going toward that fund. I don't really mind working, it's easier knowing it's not permanent, and glad we can agree that it's only temporary. He works full time, yes. You have a good point, and now that I pretty much have cooled down, I'm still upset but more toward the fact that my feelings are hurt. I feel incompetent... like I can't please him anymore (since I still have all my baby weight and feel like a beast, yuck!)....


    Answer by 1st_time_mom23 at 1:05 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I have to agree with the pp. With 4 kids, even now that they're older, we have to plan around their schedule. It will get better as the baby gets older.

    When you're no longer angry I would discuss how you felt when he rolled over to go to sleep. Try using I messages... I felt___ when you ___. Sometimes it makes them feel less "attacked".

    Answer by prdill08 at 1:06 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • You should just tell him all of what you said about not feeling like you can please him, and your insecure with your body right now. I think if he was clear on that he would TRY to be there for you more emotionally.

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 1:07 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • How old is the baby? I would say that if baby is over a year, it can cry for a few minutes while you guys hurry to finish next time. If not, say something like "I'm going to need ______(insert baby item here) from the _______(room where its stored), I'm going to go get the baby, can you go grab that for me? thanks" and walk off to get the baby so that he has to get out of bed and help.

    maybe he felt like you were abandoning him to go take care of a baby that couldve waited a few more minutes, not bashing. Just saying, put yourself in his shoes for a minute. Go take care of the baby, then sit and calm down, go back to bed and if he is still up, let him know (calmly and respectfully) how he made you feel, and ask him why he reacted that way, see if he will tell you what he was thinking, communication is key in a situation like this...just dont let it turn into a fight, you are both stressed enough already. It will be okay.

    Answer by chipper87 at 1:08 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • The baby ain't going NOWHERE, and yo' hubby NEEDS his MAN TIME with HIS wife :) The baby won't die from crying, and you're just as in-sensitive to your hubby.

    Answer by Princess223 at 1:08 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I know you are frustrated and I don't blame you. But "daddy" was probably frustrated as well for not being able to finish, and that was his way of expressing it.

    Not saying it was the nicest way he could have done it..

    but I know being interrupted can make people extra snappy and extra emotional.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:11 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.