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12 Bumps

Husband calling wife names...

I keep being told that you are not supposed to leave your husband no matter what and all that mess. My husband will get drunk (occassionally) and call me just about every name in the book. I have heard whore, bitch, lazy, stupid and others. If I fall asleep before him he will come and and slap me on the butt. That is prob meant as picking but I think it is disrespectful to do something like that when someone is asleep. He has even told me he is tired of my mess and has said to leave. I don't do nothing but take care of this house but yet he is tired of my mess? How stupid. Last night he called me lazy and I said he is the one lazyt b/c he won't (barely) help me with the kids. I have to deal with this stupid mess everytme he drinks. If I had money and a place to go now I would pack my mess nd leave. My question to you all is when would you draw the line? When would you give up on your marriage?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Jun. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (26)
  • That sounds like alcoholism and verbal abuse to me. I would insist that he gets help and separate myself and the kids from him if he refused. Your kids dont need to be around that influence. Whoever is telling you that you should never leave your husband obviously has never been in an abusive relationship or seen one up close.
    Aqua_Jen

    Answer by Aqua_Jen at 8:44 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • When he would lay a hand on me its OVER!
    starestrada

    Answer by starestrada at 8:45 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I would not take that crap I would suggest counseling and when its all said and done either you are going to save the relationship or move on its hard to be with a drunk. I would start to figure out what you want and how you are going to get it. I would get a pt job and start making my life about me. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:47 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • i'm wondering if his disposition is ONLY when he drinks. a lot of the times, partners/children will blame an abusive alcoholic's behavior on the alcohol..i tend to think the alcohol only brings it out more.
    i don't know what to tell you about drawing the line. no one can. however, you can talk to a counselor about his alcoholism, perhaps go to some meetings and try to figure out why YOU put up with his behavior, or how you are enabling it. and how to end your own cycle. you owe it to yourself and your kid(s) to make a better life for yourselves, whether your dh is part of it or not. sometimes the answer is to leave; sometimes not. but you need to be better informed of your own psyche, before you make a decision about 'giving up on your marriage'. talk to a women's shelter about your options, if money is a problem. there are options out there. his behavior is abusive..when will he turn on the kid(s)?
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 8:50 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • The slap on the back end sounds like barely hidden physical attack. I'd suggest talking with your religious adviser or a counselor.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:51 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • There is no reason for verbal or any kind of abuse, lay it out for him and find a way out.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:51 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • This is verbal abuse, and the slap on the hind end sounds like thinly veiled physical abuse to me. Honestly, if it were me, I would tell him, I would no longer tolerate that behavior, period. That the drinking was going to stop, that both I and our children deserved better, and that if he was not willing to get help, then we would not be there.
    No one can tell you where that line is for you, it is something each person has to decide on their own. But, any woman deserves to be treated better than that.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 8:54 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • EVERYONE deserves to "live happily ever after," and if that's not the case with you (and it sure doesn't sound like it), then there ARE lots of things you can do to change things. But remember, it takes two to have a healthy relationship. If one partner is unwilling to acknowledge their problems, or do anything about them, then you do not have a healthy relationship! You can never expect a person to change for you--THEY have to want to make changes in themselves!

    Was your husband like this before you married him, or has the added stress of a wife and children make him start drinking more and become more "edgy?!"

    There are a number of marriage counseling groups that are free or of no cost--at Churches, community centers, and if you might find that your insurance carrier will give a set number of counseling sessions for free under your medical plan.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:54 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • You are probably going to have to leave in order for him to take you seriously. Either he changes or he doesn't. Be prepared for him not to. Don't believe the "baby I will change I promise" bull either. If he doesn't change just remember you are better off without him and his crap. And do all this when he is sober. If you do it while he is drinking you risk having to deal with a drunken rage. They always treat their women like shit, but can't stand for them to leave.

    sunshine06

    Answer by sunshine06 at 8:56 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Tell him you want to go to couples counseling or talk with your pastor,if you go to a church. Explain that you think he is abusive and that he drinks too much and you won'tput up with it because nobody deserves name calling and smacking on the butt. You shouldn't have to put up with that. Nobody should. Good luck!
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 9:00 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

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