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3 Bumps

he is lying to my face

we have the same fight for over a year
-he wayches extreme porn behide my back, lies about it, snaps at me when I walk into the computer room and our sex life is not like it was before

I have tried to talk to him, he is a brick wall.
I have mentioned counsiling, he does not want to
I have tried to compromise byt suggesting we watch porn together

what more can I do?
was thinking of seeing a counsiler by myself, afraid that counsiler will make me aware that he is selfish and not worth it

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Jun. 25, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I will tell you right here that he is selfish and not worth it. I've been down the same road and in the end, I divorced him. There were other issues besides porn, but usually where there is a porn issue, there are always other issues. If you have already talked ot him about all of this, told him very clearly how you feel about it and how it makes you feel personally, and he continues to do it - well there is your answer. He is more interested in the porn than in you or your marriage. He is obviously putting himself and his own sexual desires before you, it just doesn't get any clearer than that. My current husband use to watch porn when we first got together and I hated it, I talked to him about it, how it makes me feel, how I think it is cheating and takes away from our REAL sex life and that he needed to make a choice. He choose me and our life and we are now happily married, with NO PORN. I'm sorry for you, HUGS!
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 2:12 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • was thinking of seeing a counsiler by myself, afraid that counsiler will make me aware that he is selfish and not worth it

    I think this is the problem.

    Yes, you should see a counselor by yourself.

    You day you fear the counselr will make you realize that he is selfish and not worth it. I'm more concerned about you.

    I understand that there are many people out there that do not believe in divorce, if this is you, let the counselor know that and maybe they can find a way for you to live what is going on. But something needs to change.

    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:13 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • afraid that counsiler will make me aware that he is selfish and not worth it--op

    um..i think you're quite aware of it.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 9:08 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • If you love him then back off from objecting. Decide if you really love him. You may even want to do the list thing- list pros and cons of your relationship, giving the important things weight. If you feel that the porn is a biggie and it isn't balanced by other reasons in favor of staying with him, then tell him your conclusions and take action- get out, get counseling, and so forth.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:08 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • It sounds like he has a porn addiction. If porn is affecting your relationship, if he snaps at you (the REAL woman in his life) because he prefers to watch the fictional women on the computer instead, then porn is a problem.

    The issue now is, does he want to fix this problem or does he just not care enough? If his addiction is more important than you, you cannot do anything to change him. You have 3 choices:1) the 2 of you can go to counseling, 2) you can keep living this way, or 3) you can leave him.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 9:11 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • while you may love him and care for him, his porn issue are causing a rift that need to be mended, and if he isn't willing to work with you, you are going to end up resenting him for it and eventually either leaving or living a pretty miserable life if something doesn't give.

    You can offer him an ultimatum... if he doesn't change his attitude toward you about this subject that you will leave him. Explain your willingness to work with him about the issue, watch it with him for spicy ideas, etc, however if he won't stop calling your names, or won't work with you, there is no reason for you to stick around and be miserable.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 9:36 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Wow i for one dont really have a problem with my BF watching porn as long as im not around to witness it and hes not having sex with anyone else. Although i dont like porn in general i dont think it should even be in homes or stores or on the internet sex was made for man and wife not for man women animals etc. its disgusting but if porn keeps my man from cheating on me and bringing std in our house and bed then by all means go ahead and jack off but please dont think im as nasty as those chicks to allow you to cum on my face and what not yuck the things the girls do in those videos is uncalled for and gives us respectable women bad raps along with our men thinking all girls are into this kind of stuff and want to do it also. News flash guys the reason why they are down for anything is because they get paid crazy money to do that disgusting stuff and all we get is attitude and BS please!! NO Thank you.
    MinnieMoni

    Answer by MinnieMoni at 9:50 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Porn can be addicting. Like any other addiction, it can take a lot of work and counseling to overcome, and it is very very hard. Often there is also something at the root of the addicts problem. For example when my ex and I went to counseling together for his addiction, the counselor said she thought that he used porn to forget about his dad who died when he was 8 leaving him and his mom alone. In order to overcome his porn addiction, he had to deal with his fathers death -- something he hadn't done in all these years. There is a really great group on here I recommend you visit, the ladies there have some awesome advice, here is the link: http://www.cafemom.com/group/1872
    soccerchik8287

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 10:01 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • It sounds to me like you have done all you can do.You can't make him change if he isn't willing to be a better man.I agree with the rest.It may be time for an ultimatum.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 10:51 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • You can't change someone else, you can only change yourself, so try therapy yourself.
    Rnurse

    Answer by Rnurse at 11:24 AM on Jun. 25, 2010

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