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2 Bumps

why

i've been with my boyfriend for about 5yrs and he drinks and i hate beer and he knows it but he has a drinking problem he has come a long way to stop drinking but on his way to work he has a few beers and he thinks i dont know i guess he thinks im stupid when he gets drunk he treats me like im nobody and i dont understand why i love him very much and hes a great father and step dad when hes not drinking i belive in god and have faith that one day god will change him thats why im still here i cant just forget about him because god has not forgotten about me im just so tired of all this five yrs of this dose it get better? and when? i clean ,i cook,and i tell him that i love him every day and i would love to mary him but i cant until i know hes not drinking no more if someone out there is going through the same as me please help me understand how can somebody you love treat us like when all we have is love.

Answer Question
 
1_happy_mom

Asked by 1_happy_mom at 12:10 PM on Jun. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Join an al-anon group. They would help you. ((hugs))
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 12:12 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I had to leave my last x husband over that. Alcoholism isn't easy to deal with. Many times we co-dependents get emotionally attached to men like this or ones with other addiction problems. We think if we love them enough it will be enough for them to stop. Nope. They have a problem and we have to not allow it to be our problem. I left. I couldn't take it anymore.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:14 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Yea try counseling....if that doesn't work give him an ultimatum. It may be hard as it could be something you don't want to do, however if he loves you that much he will open his eyes to what he's about to lose and it might be that push of motivation he needs. Even if it means a brief seperation to work on his issues....he WILL realize what a mess he made with his family and when he cleans up he WILL come back.....(at least in most cases....again that's if he truly cares....)
    This all comes from experience....so been there :) Good luck...
    MamaCharity

    Answer by MamaCharity at 12:15 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I agree with joining alanon. You can go online and find groups in your area. As for why he does it and seems to not care how it effects you, he has a problem and I think they really don't get how bad it makes you feel. He won't get better until he admits it to himself and gets help. You can PM me if you want.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:16 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Join al-anon and go to counseling. Its very possible your co-dependent, co-dependents believe they are fixers when in fact they are enablers, we take on the other person's problems as if they are our own and love until it hurt us.... If you can I also suggest reading the book "Co-Dependency No More - learning to stop caring for others and start caring for yourself"
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 12:54 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • He is not going to stop drinking or seek help until he decides to. The only thing you can do is tell it to him straight- "I love you but your drinking is a big issue between us" and ask him that he consider joining an alcohol/drug counseling program, seek rehab or join AA. What you can do for you is join Al-anon and gain support there. Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:01 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

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