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Any suggestions on better handling a not so sympathetic husband.

I have just started therapy for pinched nerve in my back. I come home in discomfort,,,no I was pain & also upset at myself for not finishing the therapy. The therapist wanted me to stand straight on the machine so he could stretch my back. But because of the utter pain, I couldn't stand there more than a few seconds w/o crying. So walking in the door my hubby's like "only an 1/2 hour session?" He later says that "you know you have to go through some pain to get better." WTF?? I don't stand upright when I walk. I have to lean on the counter to fix dinner w/one hand. After he went out w/friends (as usual) I broke down. I'm trying but the last thing I need is to feel worse. How can I approach him for support w/o feeling more guilty. Oh & still waiting on dr to prescribe meds. The ones he gave me worked only a couple hours. So up 1/2 the night until the 2nd round of meds kick in. I've taken up to 8 Tylenol for releif at night.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Jun. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Some people don't have an understanding of pain in others if they have never experienced it themselves. This is probably what is going on with your husband. Try the best you can to do as the therapist says so that you'll get better as quickly as you can. Discuss with the therapist or doctor if pain is keeping you from doing the therapy. My doctor had me on painkillers during therapy.

    Answer by Bmat at 12:20 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • You shouldn't feel guilty at all for wanting/needing and/or asking for his support. It IS kind of one of the many reasons we have men in our lives. He SHOULD support you and vice versa.
    Talk to him, be honest. I have a hubby that can be a little cold to feelings at times. Men are wired so differently from us, if there is a way to show him what you are going through so maybe he can FEEL what you are feeling, that can help. But if you find a way to do that, be SURE to approach him with those feelings you are having when he's feeling it to. He will understand better ......if you can't find a way to show him, try to explain what it feels like in detail, use "you know what a pinch feels like, it feels like that being twisted around....etc..ect...."
    Good luck, that's all I can think of right now :)

    Answer by MamaCharity at 12:20 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • It seems like there are other issues that need to be addressed. It sounds like something is bothering your husband and he is being rude in other aspects of every day life. He may not even notice he is being so self absorbed. I would sit down with him when you guys have some down time and explain to him that you need more support from him. Ask him if he is 100% happy and if his answer is no then discuss what is bothering him. Men usually don't talk when something is bothering them. They'll express it in other ways. Good luck and I hope you feel better. :)


    Answer by vnw1405 at 12:25 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • some people view support in different ways. maybe you need to tell him how to support you through this painful part of your life! pain and lack of sleep make life very hard for you, and it could be easier if he can support you in a way that would be helpful to you.
    i wish you better health mama!

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 12:30 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Men are so different from women, not knowing the tone he used or the situation entirely I can tell you men are fixers, they want to find a solution for whatever our problems are. They don't think about how what they say will hurt us or make us feel like they don't really care, they are in their own weird way trying to help. Its possible he's trying to encourage you to deal with the pain to get better. He most likely doesn't like seeing you in pain and doesn't know what to do for you, he can't 'fix' it. So he's offering advice on how you can fix it.
    I would talk to him about how what he said made you feel, and what you would really like from him in regard of support and sympathy. Men really are wired much differently and unless we tell them what we need emotionally they have no idea what they are doing wrong sometimes.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:04 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • A good Physical Therapist wouldn't have allowed you to do anything that hurt. As for your dh, he's like everyone else who isn't enduring your pain. Unless they have been there, they just don't understand. I'm not bashing you or him, I'm just saying don't expect empathy from someone who doesn't "feel your pain". I spent all last year in PT and people looked at me like I was nuts when I tried to explain what I no longer can do....then they expected me to do it anyway bc I spent years doing a lot of things. I can't lift anymore. That's driving my grown kids crazy. Now they have to do things for me, even simple things and they get aggravated. We just do what we can and keep asking them for help but as for moral support, I'm not thinking it will come any time soon

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:05 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • your husband sounds like a typical male. boys are most of the time raised to be rough and tough. even if they've been raised by single mom. i don't think your hubby is being mean or insensitive to you on purpose. he just wants you to get better. he's probably feeling helpless since this is something he can't fix for you. maybe ask him to help you more around the house like he could make dinner or tidy up the living room or something. hope u feel better soon.

    Answer by tanper29 at 1:12 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

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