Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Any tips on the stage we are entering with my almost 12 year old son?

He is becoming more "surly", kind of grumpy, and a bit disagreeable. He has always been friendly and fun loving, but lately when things don't go his way, he gets moody. He made All Stars baseball and all I heard at first is how it's going to cramp his summer fun...I thought he'd be ecstatic!! He is enjoying it and deep down is pretty stoked he made the cut, but I see his enthusiasm is not the same as when he was younger and it makes me a bit worried, but I suppose it's normal?? I didn't say much, but am always encouraging...seems like I have to be careful not to embarass him. I guess I'm having trouble "reading" him these days and it will probably only get worse. Any recommended tips( or books even) to deal with this age?

Answer Question

Asked by dflygirl7 at 2:33 PM on Jun. 25, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • It is called puberty.

    Answer by louise2 at 2:34 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I remember when my brother hit puberty. His entire personality changed over that first year. My mother and I talk about it these days. He had same thing happen, lost all interest in what he used to like. Personality changes, the crankiness like yours. As a mother it's hard to gage how to interact. It's your son not your daughter. Is his dad around for him to attempt to chat with your son? Hormonal changes aren't fun for anyone, especially teenagers!!

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 2:36 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Sounds like puberty to me... my son is going through it as well....

    Hubby & I deal with it by simply being the same parents we have always been... let him know that we are here for him to talk to if he needs to talk... let him make a FEW more of his own decisions (how to wear his hair, his clothes, etc...) give him a bit more freedom to spend time with friends away from home, but not so much that he forgets that this IS his home, so to speak.... encourage him to continue doing those things that boost his self confidence, but don't force them on him... if he wants to walk away from them.... so be it, but at least try to encourage him to replace it with something else constructive.....

    Answer by Crimsonia at 2:40 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • It's all his hormons changing maybe having his father or a male figure talk with him you want it to be someone he trusts cause he may have things he wants to ask and at this age it's easier for a boy to talk with a man then his momma. He still you momma. My step-son is going thur the same thing right now it does get worse before it gets better. Your little boy is turning into a teenager. Keep your eye on him and maybe if he has a good relationship with his doctor he can talk with him.

    Answer by raemommy at 2:44 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I think my son is entering the same phase but he is only ten! YIKES!

    Answer by mommyheymommy at 7:08 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I think they all go through it my oldest started about 12 and my younger son started at 10. Let the mood swings begin....LOL :)
    We didn't do much of anything, other than continued to be the parents we had been. Continue to be there for him, continue to talk to him, continue to encourage him and support him. This is the time where they are starting to want independence but still need mom there, and its hard for them too. Give him more independence, make sure he understands he has to be trusted to earn more independence. Little things like hair and clothes, just let him be him. The big things not wanting that are out of character, watch his surroundings, who he is with that could be influencing him. Guide and support him. He still wants his mom even if he may act like he doesn't, don't forget to tell him you love him, and hug him - just not where his friends can see for awhile. ;)

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 9:35 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Just wanted to add that the signs of affection are important too... my younger son does get embarassed if I try to hug him or kiss him in front of people, so we punch each other in the arm (not hard) that's how he shows his affection for me right now. Its our secret. We can hug at home, but a punch in the arm is what we do outside. Sometimes he still asks me to tuck him in...another secret we have, only when his older brother isn't home. My older son is 15 and he doesn't hestitate to hug or kiss me in front of friends and he tells me he loves me...I think this really has to do with just talking about feelings and continuing to be there for them while learning to let go. Another tip - have conversations in the car, this way he doesn't have to look you in the eye. I will take my boys out for a drive just me and them and we can talk for hours about all kinds of stuff. :)

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 9:41 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Welcome to puberty!

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 10:16 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • THE AGE OF OPPORTUNITY by Paul Tripp is a good book for the parents of teens.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:33 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.