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my husband just told me he is gay...sigh.

What in the hell am I supposed to do with this news? We have two children, ages 5 and 7. There is no way i can afford to support my children on my own, what am I supposed to do?

He said he's not ready to "come out" yet and he doesn't want to live the gay lifestyle. I'm just so confused!

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Jun. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I honestly don't know. I wouldn't have put myself in a situation where I wasn't able to support my children on my own for any reason so I guess I really can't relate. I would be gone today if what happened to you happened to me. Good luck mama!

    Answer by oboe_chik at 3:25 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Seriously? Wow....I don't know how i'd react, but I would hope i'd go into survival mode...and think about finances etc. I know there was an Oprah show on this...where her husband came out and they still lived together or something. Maybe look it up on I'm so sorry...I hope you guys find a way to make everyone happy.

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 3:26 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • He needs to figure out what he's going to do. and in no way should you be planning on leaving your home!!! have a serious talk with him about what the next step is. And Pray!!!

    Answer by EttaMay at 3:26 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Talk to him.. sorry that is the only advice I can give you right now but you need to sit down and talk to him.

    Answer by mrsbean08 at 3:27 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • yikes
    no play book for this
    (well, there might be)
    take each day as it comes, if he came out to you, sounds to me like he MAY come out further when he is ready
    nice he shared with you, but this is not the kind of sharing any woman wants
    try not to judge, he at least trusts you to tell you
    I would prepare for him to come out more
    see a good therapist, this will be most likely one of the hardest personal hurdles you will have to face in your life

    Answer by fiatpax at 3:28 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Oh Lord. That has got to be pretty harsh news to hear!
    I really don't know what I would even do in a situation like that. I really wish you the best of luck. Sounds like you've accepted it, you just need to figure out where to go from here. Wow, I don't even know what else to say.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 3:31 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Just because he is gay it doesn't mean he can't support you financially, he is being honest with you although I am sure it hurts, at least he is coming clean. He just probably needed to be fair to you and admit it, now he might not be ready to come out comletely to the world it takes guts to do that. You need to make some sort of arrangement I am sure he doesn't expect you to stick around.

    Answer by older at 3:33 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Is he really manly and gay, or did you have some hunches?

    I agree with older

    Answer by allfiller at 3:43 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Wow! I am sorry but i would be having a really long talk with him and decide what the next step you all have to take. The children are the ones that need to come first and in no way do you leave the home. He needs to come up with a plan and you need to come up with a plan also. Maybe a good start for you both is one-on-one professional help and couples help also. The children are the ones that need to thought of.

    Answer by raemommy at 3:45 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Do the best you can to be there for each other. Not that I don't understand this must be hard on you. But in this situation there's not really much you can do but work through it however works best. I'm sure he needs your support, as hard as it must be. Its easy to place blame, but I wouldn't. (not that I'm saying you are!) Given his choices (come out or pretend) I'm sure its better for the both of you that he's being honest. It may hurt, but I think its better that you know now, instead of finding out even further down the road. So the only thing you really can do right now is talk and work together to find the best way to go from here.
    Maybe seeing a therapist together can help you find the best way to move forward, whatever that means. *hugs!*

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 3:49 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

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