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2 Bumps

I'm on the other end of this...

I'm nineteen and it's MY mother that's going crazy. (I don't have children - just need advice on her from other mothers who might listen.) According to her, I do nothing - I work 45 hours a week and am rarely home. I don't pay her any rent, but I gave them $5000 when my dad lost his job a year back so we could keep the house. I don't see either of my parents much (we all live together) because if I'm not at my job, I'm at my boyfriend's apartment or with friends. I pay for all my 'expenses' except for food and rent payment, gas, insurance, my own health insurance, cell phone, gym, etc...and just because I'm not home very often I get calls and text messages from her when I'm at work and out in town that I'm such a horrible person. She doesn't listen to my side of the story, and doesn't care that I rarely have time to myself. All she cares about is that I'm there when she's bored.

Answer Question

Asked by xxbyamomentx at 5:51 PM on Jun. 25, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 15 (2,229 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • as soon as my dad is home she doesn't really care if I'm there or not...I want more than ANYTHING to leave and get my own place, and honestly I make a good salary and could. (payed for my vocational school as well, hah...) Every time she hears that I'm looking into an apartment, she starts screaming and crying and threatening that I'm only doing it to hurt her and that I hate her. I want out because of the stress and the fact that I'll be 20 next month and have the finances to do just fine. I found the perfect apartment within budget but I'm too afraid to look into it or tell her about it -- how can I just get up and leave? She makes me feel horrible about it every time. What else can I do -- stay, go, I'm at a loss?

    Comment by xxbyamomentx (original poster) at 5:54 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • I'd find myself an apartment. My mom did the same crap to me when I was 18. I hightailed it out of there! Good luck!

    Answer by Elijahsmommy9 at 5:54 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • She is going to have to come to terms with the fact that you're an adult now and will be leaving home eventually.

    Answer by Elijahsmommy9 at 5:55 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • It is your life.... live it.
    Dont tell her anything about moving out until you have found a place.

    Answer by sahlady at 5:57 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Find yourself an apartment and get out as soon as you can. Don't worry about what she thinks right now. She's just manipulating you with guilt so she has someone to blame for her own unhappiness. It's time to start your own life my dear. See if you can nurture some kind of healthy relationship with her after she adjusts to you not living there. I didn't talk to my mother for several years after I moved out because I wanted a warm loving relationship with her and I wouldn't settle for an abusive one. She'll come around eventually.

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 6:00 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • It sounds like talking to her isn't helping you may just have to move out and hope for the best. I wish you all the best.

    Answer by SolaraDarkset at 6:00 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • She sounds pretty manipulative. Bravo to you for being resposible. We hear so much of the opposite. Line the apartment up, pay your deposits. They are non-refundable and it will help you stand your ground to tell her. Wait until both parents are there and tell them at the same time. If she starts freaking out just say "Mom, this isn't about you. It's about me growing up and being an adult. It's time and I will be moving on such and such date"

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 6:03 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Do it or else you will be me- 27 & at home. My mom wants us here & doesnt want us to leave! (not really you seem to be doing great)
    Just explain to her she did a good job raising you & this is what comes next. Moving out & becoming an independent adult. Its not like your trying to move out of the country. Maybe set up a "date night" for you guys to bond. If shes "into it" make her feel needed- Can she help you move, organize the kitchen, decorate your home (ok i couldnt do that. but who knows).
    Im guessing your the last/only child? Its hard for a parent to let go... As parents we give our life to our kids. Every decision we make is about them somehow.. When our kids grow up & become their own person, sometimes we get lost.. How do i just care for myself?

    Get your mom into a hobby! Then she will be busy scrapbooking, sewing, whatever & will be too busy even when shes alone :)
    Good Luck!

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 6:04 PM on Jun. 25, 2010

  • Would it hurt so much if you spent a little time with her. I worked 13 hour shifts three days a week as nurse and raised 4 children, but spent at least one day a week (a few hours) with my mom. She passed away in 2006 and I would give anything to have her here with me again.

    Answer by Rnurse at 7:39 AM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • BTW, I definitely think you should move on and be independent in your own place but don't forget you only have one mom, who loves you.

    Answer by Rnurse at 7:43 AM on Jun. 26, 2010

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