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3 Bumps

Am I crazy - or is this a normal reaction?

So my Mom recently (April) left my stepdad. They've been married or almost 22 years, and my younger sister and I are having a hard time with it. She's playing the victim, but the fact is she left him for a man she works with. We suspected as much but didn't have any proof until we met up with her the other day. She took us to lunch and asked if we'd like to see her new place. When we said "Ok", she said she had to tell us something, which ended up being that she''s living with the new guy. When we became upset/angry, she acted as though we had no right to feel that way. Excuse me? Yes, I'm angry! Are my sister and I in the wrong - or does this make sense to you?

 
DusterMommy

Asked by DusterMommy at 11:20 AM on Jun. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 26 (27,467 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I have a good friend going thru this right now. His wife found out about him and his gf he had been seeing for a year...when his wife found out he left her and is now living with his gf. He has been married for 30 years and his kids are 22 and 25. They are both angry at their dad. So I would say its a normal reacation. Just remember she is your mom and still loves you.
    angie729

    Answer by angie729 at 11:41 AM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • Your not wrong at all. it is very understandable to be angry in this type of situation. My mom left my step dad once and it really hurt me. So i think you and your sisters feeling are justifiable.
    nickynova

    Answer by nickynova at 11:23 AM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • I'd say you have a bit of a reason to be upset. Your mom was married to this man for 22 years. I'm assuming after all that time, he was a good step dad. As a stepkid, I know that you eventually start looking at a good step parent as just another parent and not an intruder to the family.
    So, yeah, I'm guessing you feel like she hurt someone you care about.
    But, is this really something you want coming between the two of you?
    I'd keep the ex-step dad in my life if he would have it, like calling and visiting sometimes, but still forgive my mom for hurting him after so long.
    Good luck, and no you didn't overreact.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 11:26 AM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • i think it completely normal for ya'll to feel that way. i mean thats long time they were married and it came as a shock to you. but I also think that your mother didn't expect yall to be so upset b/c maybe she thinks that yall are grown now and ya'll would want her to be happy. JMO
    Lovin_mybaby5

    Answer by Lovin_mybaby5 at 11:23 AM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • It's normal that you feel angry or hurt. Especially if your SD was like your Dad growing up. But, I don't know all the whys as to your parents divorce (and you may not either). Right now, your mom is doing what she thinks is best for herself (which isn't a bad thing if all of her children are grown). This is going to be hard, but try not to judge the new guy before you get to know him. I've done that...you'll just end up feeling like crap if he's a nice guy. Good luck and try and stay calm.

    KaroGreenly

    Answer by KaroGreenly at 11:24 AM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • I think its normal. You cant help the way you feel.
    Brandi300

    Answer by Brandi300 at 11:25 AM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • In situations like these you really have the right to feel however you feel. You cant control your feelings regarding emotional situations. The best thing to do is own your feelings, figure out why you feel that way, and talk them out, try to forgive, or move along. Anger is not something you want to hold onto.
    wendy46121

    Answer by wendy46121 at 11:34 AM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • You guys are NOT wrong for feeling the way you do. You feel how you feel, you can't change that. If they were married 22 year, then he must have raised you. So it is almost like she left the family for this new guy.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 11:24 AM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • I'm sorry you guys have to deal with this. No honey you are not wrong, Not at all! Mom has done something very wrong and I think she just doesn't know how or is to selfish to own up to it.

    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 11:47 AM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • It's a normal reaction, yes. You are completely entitled to your feelings and have every right to be hurt and angry and feel protective of your stepdad. I would tell your mom that for you, it's too soon, to be at her new place with her new relationship and that you are just coming to terms with it all. The bottom line though is she is still your mom and it is her life. Maybe she was uncomfortable being honest with you because she was ashamed and knew it was wrong. I would try my hardest not to judge her but you don't have to be at her house or with her new partner if it makes you uncomfortable either and she should respect that.
    jamesonjustines

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 11:50 AM on Jun. 26, 2010

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