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How do I move on?

I recently decided that my dh and I are just not meant to be together. We argue a lot, considering most of our arguements are about finances and finding a stable place for us and our 3 kids to stay (Landlord doesn't want to keep the house anymore). There's drama from him cheating, he's mad at me b/c he found a chat where I was venting abt him not stepping up to take care of us and he still holds that against me even though it happened a while ago. I just can't take thus stress anymore and it just doesn't feel like he's trying to make things work and he'll be happy if we just left. He hasn't said so yet but I think that I'm just gonna tell him today that I'm leaving. However, I really don't want to but I refuse to be treated less than I deserve. It'll be up to him to come to me if he wants to work things out b/c I'm tired of it being one sided. My question is how do I let go?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:08 PM on Jun. 26, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • You have to want to let go before you can actually do it. You can physically leave, start over, and go through the motions even though it may take your heart a while to catch up with your head. Only you can decide whether leaving is better for you and your children than staying. Only you can decide whether you want to keep trying ~ or to give your husband a chance to 'catch up' and get things back on track.

    Part of making a marriage work is considering, and trying to understand, each other's feelings. That takes two people though. GL.
    Farmlady09

    Answer by Farmlady09 at 1:18 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • You just have to be as strong as you can ! This will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do and you can't let it break you just keep in mind that your children need you to stay strong for them. An i hope you and your husband can work through this sometimes walking away is what it takes for someone to step up .
    nickynova

    Answer by nickynova at 1:12 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • Be strong and remember your children need you. The old saying "time heals all" is true... it is just a different amount of time for everyone. And it does get better, i promise. One day you'll wake up and realize it doesn't hurt anymore. I took me three years. My kids were the ones I lived for...Hopefully he will realize what he let go but don't stay and make yourself and your children more miserable, life is too short. Talk about it, women need that even if men don't.. vent, rage, cry... you have to let the poison out (just not too much in front of the kiddos) Try to find an activity that helps to relieve the pain. I found driving helped me, I could drive and think (without the kids) I also gardened, a lot, never moved so much dirt in my life. lol

    Hugs and remember everyday is a chance to start over again.
    SandraLee242

    Answer by SandraLee242 at 1:24 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • Take it one day at a time. Search deep down inside your heart and see if that is actually what you want. If so then one of y'all need to move out. If not try rekindling the love y'all have. Go out once a month on a date night. You don't have to spend money for this. Y'all can take walks in the park or what ever y'all may have there. See if a family member can take the kids so y'all can have a romantic dinner at home. What ever you decide, good luck.
    itsallabtthem84

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 1:13 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • Sometimes love isn't enough and you just have to do what is right for you. I feel like I'm in the same boat at you, and have been thinking about how to approach how to bring this up all day and night. Focusing on your kid(s) helps keep your mind off it.

    THe best advice I can offer is to find something to do that will push you forward. Having a goal for what you want to achieve after this is over is one way to look forward rather than in reverse. There are going to be days where all you want to do is cry, other days where you know you can do this and are doing what's best and right.

    PM me if you want to talk.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:23 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • I honestly don't think you can let go because the man is a part of who you are. You have borne his children, and he will forever be a part of you. I would imagine that one of the big problems in your marriage is the establishment and honoring of boundaries. You have to learn what is and isn't acceptable but then you also have to determine to do something about those limits. There is a wonderful book entitled BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I recommend that you get it and read it and implement some of its suggestions. It really does make for a much better marriage!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:39 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • idk, letting go is easier said than done ya know. its a process you have to go through but it sounds like you have your head on your shoulders so i think youre going to be just fine.
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 5:35 PM on Jun. 26, 2010