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The person with the funniest joke gets best answer - and the 10 points that go with it.

I'll close it in 15 minutes.

(And don't bother saying "this defeats the purpose of answers section, blah, blah, blah.")

 
DusterMommy

Asked by DusterMommy at 3:35 PM on Jun. 26, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 26 (27,467 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • Ok, I can't resist, here are a few more.

    A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"



    Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."


    Why do ducks have webbed feet?
    To stamp out fires.
    Why do elephants have flat feet?
    To stamp out burning ducks.
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 3:47 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • Why don't blind men parachute jump?
    Cause its scares the hell out of their dogs!
    Just_Bethy

    Answer by Just_Bethy at 3:40 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 3:42 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 3:40 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • I am bad with jokes, so this is one of only a few I know. Totally lame, but I heard it in middle school.
    What do a Rubiks cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 3:41 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • How do you wake up Lady Gaga?




    Poker face.

    (courtesy of my ten year old)
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 3:42 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.

    Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!"

    The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!"

    The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"
    MomOfDagJag

    Answer by MomOfDagJag at 3:44 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • An old lady was becoming lonely, so she decides to go to the pet store and buy a companion. The clerk suggests a parrot, as they can be taught to talk.
    She takes the parrot home, and tells it "Say 'Hello'"
    The parrot replies "SHIIIT!"
    The old woman is shocked and says "If you say shit again I'm putting you in the fridge!! Now...say 'Hello'"
    "SHIIIT!"
    The parrot is in the fridge, shivering and cold...
    The old lady takes him out and says "There! Maybe now you've learned your lesson! Say 'Hello' or your're going into the freezer!"
    "SHIIIT!"
    The parrot goes into the freezer. He shivers and squalks, trying to keep warm. He turns around...and everything is silent.
    The old woman is kind of worried and so she takes him out.
    The parrot says "I'm am so sorry for the rudeness that I have shown you, dear dear master. But may I ask you one thing?.....
    What did the turkey do?
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 3:45 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • Photobucket

    Photobucket

    Photobucket
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 3:40 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • Just before heading to Florida for spring break, a college student bought a skimpy bikini. She modeled it for her mother. "How do you like it?" she asked.
    The parent stared in silence for a few moments then replied "If I had worn a bathing suit like that when I was your age, you'd be four years older than you are right now."
    --Quoted by James Dent in Charlston, W. Va, Gazette

    I got this from the Reader's Digest joke book, Laughter, the Best Medicine.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 3:40 PM on Jun. 26, 2010