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4 Bumps

What should I do for my 6 year old?

My dd is 6 and will be going into 1st grade next fall. Over the past couple of weeks she has been spending some time with a friend. My dd has gone to her house and her friend comes here, and they talk on the phone. The past few times my dd has talked to her friend, she gets in a foul mood. I thought it was because she had to hang up, but I heard what her friend was saying to her today. They were talking about who was in the room with my dd while they were on the phone, my dd said "no one" and at the time no one was with her. I heard her friend call her a liar and tell her that if she lied everyone was going to hate her. Then she told my dd that there was a monster by our house to get my dd because she was a bad person. I made her friend apologize and hang up. I am not sure what to do. Do I let it go or do I stop them from seeing each other? What would you do?

 
krissyvelazquez

Asked by krissyvelazquez at 4:30 PM on Jun. 26, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (8)
  • AHh, this is hard. Even at 6 there's a fine line you're walking here. I know with my DD (going into 1st grade as well), telling her *not* to be friends with someone is going to create it's own issues. However, she *is* 6 and that means I have more control over her social life than she realizes. :) I can limit her time together simply by not finding a good time (or as many good times) to get them together. That's not enough though. That's simply a band-aid. The real key here is to get your DD to understand what the problem is. It's a good time to talk about what makes a good friend and what sort of things a good friend says and does - then contrast that with *this* friend. My son has had a similar experience. We did what I described. My DS backed off the friendship on his own and moved on to healthier more balanced friendships. SImilarly, DD took a break from a friend & then grew a real strong backbone to stand-up for herself
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 12:12 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • I would get together with the friend's mom and present a united front to the kid. She's was being unnecessarily mean and I wouldn't let my kid spend much time with her until it was worked out.
    Her mom needs to be there during the talk so you both can tell her it's not right. You say you don't want anyone talking to your kid like that, your kid can tell her the same thing and the other kid's mom can tell her that she won't play anymore unless she stops.
    Kiwismommy19

    Answer by Kiwismommy19 at 4:36 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • You have to remember first off that they are only 6 years old. BUT don't just let it go either because if the girl is being mean already at this age, then it will just continue if someone doesn't set it straight. You need to talk to the girls mom first, because she needs to be informed, then do like the other pp said and have both girls (and the mom if she wants) get together and discuss the issue. The other girl needs to know that there is no reason for the mean behavior and that if it continues, they will not be allowed to play together. My DD Had a friend who continually convinced her to do things she shouldn't (playing with air freshener, tearing things up, painted their lips with nail polish, etc) and when I finally told the little girl that if she continued to do those things, she would no longer be welcome to play with my daughter, she stopped the behavior and was great afterwards.
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 6:01 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • I would help your DD by know what makes a good friend and what doesn't. Mine has decided, with that kind of information, that there are people she doesn't want to spend time with. She just needed some back up from me and some guidance as to what was ok and not ok. Try to teach her that she is in control of her own choices, her friends are not. I would limit telephone calls, it is a situation that neither you or your DD has control.
    MommyId

    Answer by MommyId at 9:24 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • I would have the friend come to my house and sit down and talk to them together about the situation and if it didnt change then stop them from seeing each other...
    SWEETPEAS3MOM

    Answer by SWEETPEAS3MOM at 4:32 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • I would start limiting the time they spend together and minitor them withe they are together that is not good behaviour. I would limit the phone time also. Good Luck.
    IMAMOM2-2KIDS

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 4:33 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • I would suggest a cooling off period between them. Unless your daughter handles it by herself. Kids do have arguments over things from time to time.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 12:59 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • (cont from above) My DD developed a voice she was ready to use to stand-up to this one particular troublesome friend. Meg always has been a strong personality and comfortable speaking up for herself. But, for some reason, she didnt' with this one friend. After we talked (a lot) about good friends and that it was ok to tell someone you didn't like what they were saying/doing, etc. . . Megan decided it was ok to tell this particular kid what was and wasn't going to fly. It didn't take too many times of Meg saying, "You aren't being nice to me and if you're not going to be nice, than I don't think I want to be your friend any more" for this girl to get the message. Today they're buddies again and today that girl is MUCH better. Another girl that had similar issues? Meg simply doesn't talk to any more, she's moved on to healthier choices.
    ldmrmom

    Answer by ldmrmom at 12:15 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

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