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How do I tell my husband I want a separation?

I don't want to divorce him just yet. I want to try and work things out but I just can't take all the verbal and emotional abuse anymore. My parents have already told me that I can move back home if I need too. What about the bills though? I only work part-time and I am afraid that I won't be able to find a full time job in time to pay my car payment and other things. Also, how do I go about telling him? I am so scared he is going to blow up when I tell him.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on Jun. 26, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • If you truly want to try and work things out with him, you need to be honest and clear about the reasons you want a seperation or else he won't know what behaviors of his to correct. If you are afraid he may hurt you when you tell him, I suggest having a third person there to kind of mediate the situation. Have you thought of marital counseling? That might be a good place to start.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 10:44 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • Leave a note. If you're afraid of him blowing up just leave when he's not home and leave a note. It'll give him time to digest what has happened and why before he gets a chance to blow up at you.
    kaylan010

    Answer by kaylan010 at 10:43 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • Have a third party with you when you tell him, be straight forward and honesty and don't lie and don't sugar coat anything. Tell him the way you just posted it here. You will be fine and you will make it on your own.
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 10:45 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • Maybe figure the job thing out first and where you are going to live and if you think he might hurt you then call him and tell him. And don't tell him where you are living.
    Brandi300

    Answer by Brandi300 at 10:44 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • it sounds as if abuse is keeping you from making a choice to get yourself out of a harmful situation. you do what you need to do for yourself. if you think it is possible to work things out, i suggest trying counseling before you move out and get your parents involved - if you do that this could add barriers. i do not advocate anyone staying in an abusive relationship of any kind, and definitely not if there is a child in the picture who can be emotionally harmed by this, but i understand that women find it difficult to leave abusive relationships. if you want to leave him, then by all means go to your parents, leave a note and let him know you are willing to engage in counseling (but not dates where you will end up arguing or being coerced) in order to save the relationship. time away will not solve the problem only ease the memory of all of it... be prepared for anger and/or begging...
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 11:25 PM on Jun. 26, 2010

  • how can I bump this question? Good luck with every thing
    r00j04j08

    Answer by r00j04j08 at 12:48 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I had to do it too. I didn't want a divorce either. He was so dang bossy and controlling over me and the kids. I left the kids with him b/c I knew he'd fall apart, he never does things with them. I went to my dad's for a week(out of state) he was sure he'd be fine but that lasted 3days. then he had to talk to them, bathe them, put them to bed....he had a bad temper too, that's what made it all come to head. the fighting. so I knew what i had to do but maybe you should pack and leave a note like the other lady said. don't worry about car payments yet. If you stay long enough to miss a car payment, obviously things aren't working out with you and him. If they were, he'd make the car payment. Most effort is in the first few weeks of separation. My first husband was very very abusive. I snuck out and didn't leave a note. I knew he'd never be what I wanted. but I loved him, loved myself more.
    Momchipomkids

    Answer by Momchipomkids at 1:46 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • Its never easy, be strong. show him u mean business.
    Sunflower62

    Answer by Sunflower62 at 10:11 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

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