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4 Bumps

If your daughter has a boyfriend, do you let them get together one on one, and what reasons do you have/give either way?

My dd has a new bf, about 3 months in. I really do not encourage her to have a bf, but I know her personality is such that it would not work to say no. She has good judgment, but clearly enjoys the company of boys more than most girls~ she has 3 very best girlfriends who are certainly not mean, snotty and superficial like many of the girls at her high school. I understand her liking boys, of course, but, she'd like to spend a lot of time with him. There have been many pool parties, etc, in our town that she's gone to with him there, and that's nice because it's a large group with adult supervision. However, I'm not looking forward to her asking if they can have one on one time at either our house or his, because I feel that that doesn't give them enough to do besides sitting around and I don't want to have to "find things for them to do" here. I'm busy myself. They're 16. Do you allow the one on one thing & how often?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Jun. 27, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • When My duaghter was 16 she could go on dates. But if they wanted to just hang out they had to be here at our house. Unless I knew the boys parents, had the same values as we do. She had a few Boy friends who there was no way in hell she would be allowed at their house. I knew what went on there. She would argue I would explain that if he really liked her he wouldn't have problem being here. That weeded out the bad ones. Her last Boy friend came from a family that didn't have problem with the kids hanging out in their rooms being totally alone. He really liked her respected her and our rules. (at the time they met she was 17 he was 20) He was also the first boy friend she had that the little brothers liked. Anyway he was a keeper. He is now the best SIL a mother could ask for. What it comes down to is keep the line of communication open. Explain throughly why these rules are in place. And stick your guns.
    oldermomof5

    Answer by oldermomof5 at 9:32 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • WHEN I WAS HER AGE MY MOM WOULD ONLY LET ME GO OUT WITH MY BF IF MY SISTER CAME WITH ME.
    jfrancis91680

    Answer by jfrancis91680 at 9:51 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • When my SS was younger (he's 22 and no longer lives with me, so I can't stop it) If they wanted to go to his room, the door had to be kept open. They could not be alone together behind a closed door in my house. I would do the same with a girl if I had one.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:15 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • Oh, and my reason is that there is no reason they need to have the door shut.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:18 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • You say that "knowing her personality" you can't say NO ? You are MOM and you are boss and her personality should get used to that. If you are not comfortable with her having a boyfriend this young...and I wouldn't be either...than say so. You don't have to justify. You need to make sure she sees her "boyfriend" in a group setting at your house. I agree that one on one time with a boyfriend can be a problem. She is too young to decide these things and....as I said....YOU are her Mom. Good luck! ( Moms need to stick together.)
    Don't let the teens make decisions that could be bad for them. Moms, you know better!
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 9:35 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I have a 17 yo dd who is not seeing any one at the moment, but last summer had a "serious" bf and I did try to limit their time alone. I had seen some texts that made it clear what they were thinking and I didn't like it. I have talked to her about everything. And when she started dating at 16 we set up some ground rules, that will stay in place as long as she lives here. No boys in her room. PERIOD. No going to a bf house if no parent is home. Things like that. I know that sex doesn't always happen in a house or at night, but my dd knows how I feel. She too is not one to take NO without a fight. And in a perfect world being her MOM wouldbe enough. But I raised my girls to be open, honest and fair with me so I am to them. They are smart girls who will not be controlled by a boy, I have to believe that all I have said will, and it has, guide them down the right path.
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 9:57 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • My daughter and her bf are now teen parents so it's a little late for me to be limiting their time together.
    GrammaBev

    Answer by GrammaBev at 10:13 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • My kids (boys or girls) are allowed to date one on one any time after they reach Highschool... I don't see any reason to limit dating when they are just going to find ways around the rules if they want to. My mother's rule was no dating til you're 18, so we just skipped class and had sex in the auditorium or I met them at the bus stop before school & we went in late... So, why limit stuff just so they have to hide it and lie to you about it? I would rather my kids were able to to be open and honest about anything and everything...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:59 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • As of right now, my daughter isn't dating anyone but if/when she is then I do not mind her spending time with him one on one. When they are here I prefer them to be in the family room/living room or somewhere else where they can easily be seen. If they feel the need to go to her room, her door MUST be open. And believe me, I will check.
    karusso1965

    Answer by karusso1965 at 12:58 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • no way I have 2 girls teen and I trust them but not some boy, thay know not to let ANYONE in the house if we are not home.
    christine121

    Answer by christine121 at 1:48 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

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