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domestic abuse affecting children..help

ok so i recently left my husband of 6 yrs after 5 yrs of abuse I said enough was enough, he started doing it in front of my small child(15 months) She is now almost 19 months been separated from him for a month, last straw he hit me when i was holding her,(i am also 20 weeks pregnant), well anywho, im glad he is out of my life but with her tantrums she hits and pinches a lot, how can i fix this, im not sure if it is all cause of what she/saw heard, but how do i get her on the right path to stop these, any help would be greatly appreciated

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:27 AM on Jun. 27, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (7)
  • I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Congratulations for being strong enough to leave him.

    Your 19 mos old having the tantrums could be because of her routine being thrown off too.
    Right now, be consistent with whatever consequence you decide to do. In your situation, I would ignore the bad behavior and reward with lots of love the good behavior.
    When she hits, or pinches - tell her no, we don't hit. That makes mommy sad. If she can't talk yet, verbalize her feelings for her.
    'I see you are mad, etc'

    My 16 mos old scratches me, and I find it's more when he wants my attention and can't express himself. So your dd could also be going through phase. I could see how you could be worried though. It absolutely could be learned from your dh, so be patient and show your dd that you love her no matter what.
    Good luck to you and your family.
    ARmom

    Answer by ARmom at 9:33 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • At her age, hitting and pinching during tantrums is pretty typical. If you're concerned about it, though, definitely talk to her doctor. Witnessing abuse is very traumatic to a child and the doctor can give you recommendations for how to help her.

    Good for your for leaving! You definitely deserve better!

    When my young children hit or pinch, I firmly tell them no and that they hurt the person. I will also remove them from the situation to try to emphasize its importance. It's hard with a 19 month old because they don't have full comprehension yet, but if you're consistent, she will figure it out eventually.
    degsyuna

    Answer by degsyuna at 9:34 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • First (((HUGS))) second take her to play therapy victims assistance will pay for it call them. Play therapy will help her act out what she cannot say. Also you should speak to someone it takes about three months before know you are safe and when you get there you should have someone to talk to. God bless you Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:03 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • When I left my spouse the first couple months were rough on my then two year old after some play therapy it became better leaving situations like this and being pregnant are hard. but after three months he was okay again. He began to feel comfortable when I did. Take care of yourself Momma. My name is pk pm or IM me if you need to talk.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:11 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • Good answers here. I just want to say good luck and take good care of yourself. Stay strong.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 11:11 AM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • Lots of good advice so far! I'll add try to avoid tantrum "triggers". A child who is tired, frustrated, hungry (any one or a combination) is much more likely to have a tantrum. Making sure she gets enough sleep, and has a predictable routine can really help. When my kids were in that phase I would do everything I could to make sure we were home for nap time. When we went out I would limit my errands, and give them snacks.
    Also, make sure you are not doing any thing to "reward" the tantrums. If you give in and give her what she is screaming for, even once, she will keep trying to see if it will work again!
    maggiemom2000

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 3:19 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I can't offer any better advice than what you've already gotten, but I want to say GOOD FOR YOU for getting out!! You rock, girl! I am so glad you were strong enough to leave, and just know that you did the right thing for your kids. Please be careful and stay safe. He needs to just leave you alone. GL!
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:11 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

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