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rephaze on the why does he need a wife related

I am sorry if i offended anyone.. I do not feel that my husband needs me if he has porn. he can get off quicker, i am available all the time to have sex, but he doesn't initiate, i do 95% of the time. I feel like if i wasnt there it wouldn't matter. no foreplay and i am usually on top during sex. he will wait for me to orgasm but doesnt put in effort.. or he will be on top if he wants to orgasim quickly, i feel no emotional connection, no love, just sex, and if he can get that fix from porn. why would he need me? thats what i was asking..

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:44 PM on Jun. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I'm sorry he makes you feel that way. :(

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 4:47 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I wasn't offended by your question, I was offended by the responses that said that if a husband EVER looks at porn, he's not committed. That is entirely FALSE, and I know from personal experiences because my husband has, though rarely, looked at porn. I don't care, and he knows it. He is the best husband I could ask for, and initiates sex with me multiple times a day. I didn't realize that your initial question was about a personal issue of yours. If it were interfering with our sex life, as it is with yours, it would be an issue.I'm sorry you're going through this, and obviously in this case, porn is a bad thing. If my husband were watching it all the time, I wouldn't put up with it.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 4:47 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • No Foreplay....... has it always been that way. Or is this a recent/fairly recent development?

    No emotional connection....... Are there any (no matter how small. even the smallest can affect your sex life/intimacy levels) problems/issues/resentments between you two that are either ongoing or left unresolved and festering?

    Him not initiating.. Has it always been this way. Or is it something new? If he used to initiate how did he and what was your response?

    Some position/No effort on his part.. Again, new behaviour or always been that way? How does he respond when you try to initiate different positions? What has his response been when you have asked him what would get him more interested or enthusiastic about sex?

    Porn....... How often is he viewing? Is viewing porn for sexual gratification (and you KNOW this, not feel it or think it.. he's told you) more interesting to him than having sex with you?

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:52 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I know exactly how you feel, my husband was the same way. You need to talk to him about it, but you might not like the answer he gives. GL.

    Answer by Tes...Jacksmami at 4:56 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I'm so sorry you feel that way. I couldn't imagine what it would be like. My husband doesn't watch porn at all, it is just like cheating to us. He has me and that's it.

    Answer by RutterMama at 5:09 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. What it really comes down to is that you two need to sit down and talk. There was a time when my husband was doing the porn and masturbation thing non-stop and I got zero attention. I started to feel really insecure and finally talked to him about it--it turns out, he was so self-conscious about weight he had gained that he was uncomfortable and ashamed of having sex and being naked with me.

    There are still points where it feels like we get no foreplay and no connection when we have sex, but a lot of that is due to the fact that our daughter still wakes up in the middle of the night and we're pretty much always expecting to get interrupted when we're in the thick of things, so to speak. When we have time and KNOW we have time, things go much better.

    At the very least, talk to him. If you don't get answers you need, I will always always recommend counseling. Then you decide from there.

    Answer by Cassidhes_Mom at 7:00 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • You just need to talk to him. Alot of men fall into this. It can be easier for a guy to masturbate and porn can be addictive. Men see sex differently then women. It is just the way it is and the only way to overcome this is through communication. Tell him how you feel. Tell him what you would like to happen. Be nice but persistant until you both are happy with your sex life.

    Answer by bjane01 at 9:54 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

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