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2 Bumps

have had same problem with SO for year

yesterday I noticed that I do not like him much
today I think that I hate him

when you realize that a man has been selfish to you to say the least
Can you go over night to hate?
or is this over due anger?


Asked by fiatpax at 4:55 PM on Jun. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 46 (221,572 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • It's probably pent up resentment.

    Answer by LittleWeloosMom at 4:56 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • It happens...within the 1st year is the hardest sometimes....i have hated my husband about wanted to get divorced because of angry issues, but i have learned alot thru my first about things. dont give up to soon. it takes time. Good luck!!

    Answer by Kellixclark at 5:01 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I don't know, my feelings change every day about my SO. lol

    Answer by badgirl44654 at 5:00 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • For me..

    It was a slow build up.... Many years ago, I just realised one day that I would rather hit my husband in the face with a 2x4 than look at him.. I seethed when I saw him, I cringed when I heard his voice. I didn't care if he came home from work or not. ONe day I woke up that way, but I realised later on, that the feelings had been building up for a few years.

    We had TONS of problems back then. TONS. And we really did not know how to communicate well enough to even share all of our problems with each other. Much less try to fix them.

    Once we (due to nearly destroying our marriage and nearly divorcing) learned how to really communicate, share and work together to solve our problems instead of working against one another.. We built an amazing marriage. One that has me falling in love with my husband over and over everyday. And we've now been married 24 years.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:00 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • It may be that it was simmering for a long time and enough hormones kicked in and threw it over the top.

    Answer by Bmat at 5:09 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • LOL Thanks. I'm dead ass serious about the 2x4. I really am. Somedays I can't believe I used to feel that way about a man, that now: I miss while he's gone, I speak to a few times a day while he's at work, I'm so happy to see him I actually get up and meet him at the door for hugs/kisses when I hear him come in.

    Defensiveness comes with the terrority. And usually sticks around unless a person learns how to quell their emotional reactions, and learn how to pull back and react logically. When an emotionally issue is being shared/discussed it's damn hard NOT to get really wrapped up in the emotion side of things.. But from my experience. When that happens you end up going in a viscious circle and both of you are reacting emotionally and it gets heated and nothing gets accomplished.

    One way to help with that. Is learning his communication style. We all communicate differently. We all interpret things different....cont.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:10 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • And express things differently.. If you can learn his communication style. It will be easier to get him to not only listen to you (actually listen) but to also UNDERSTAND what it is you are trying to communicate with him.And vice a versa.

    What worked for me. And sadly this is how many women go about achieving this. Because let's face it, we are "doers' and someone has to get the ball rolling, and it's always us. lol I read some books on male/female marital/relationship communication. Once I started learning how to communicate better. My husband didn't react as badly when I tried to communicate with him. After awhile, instead of reacting HE actually started communicating better as well. Once we started, it just snowballed, it became easier and easier to have open honest safe communication about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.
    Somedays we are amazed at how bad our marriage actually was, and how badly we treated one another.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:14 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • Ahhh.. So he gets defensive about likeing to be "Pegged"..

    Well. I think many men who enjoy that, get defensive because it is usually associated with being gay or being bi. And for some men, those are fighting words/images. Don't know if your man is in that category or not.

    Here's what I do know about "Pegging" (can't lie, out of curiosity I had to look into it... lol my hubby ain't haven no part of it The male G-spot is actually located in the rectum. So even "straight" men can derive immense pleasure from anal play (getting pegged). For some men that's difficult to accept. They like it, they like the way it feels, but it's supposed to be "wrong" KWIM.. For some women, they are uncomfortable with it because it makes them feel "less than" because well, they don't have a dick, it makes them wonder if their partner is actually gay.. And since the man is defensive about it.. con..

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:18 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • And the woman is "unsure" of where she stands and what it is that her man really wants (is it her or another man).. Issues arise. And because of the feelings, questions, and uncertainities involved it makes it very difficult to talk about openly and honestly.

    I'm not saying any of these things are true of you and your man.. I'm just sharing a little bit of info that I've gathered over the years with you :-)

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:19 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • hi pixie trix
    i wanted to give you a 1000 points when reading your answer - the first colunm
    LOVE the 2x4 idea, that may give me some laughs when he comes home from riding his one and only love-his motorcycle, a very close second is his asshole, and maybe his asshole is almost more important to him than his motorcycle, he spends almost if not more time polishing it than the bike

    communication...well everytime i try he gets angry...can you say defensive about his fetish

    Comment by fiatpax (original poster) at 5:05 PM on Jun. 27, 2010