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spin off of another Q:::: Do you ever feel like friends are just there to get something out of you and you feel like you keep friends around because they do nice things for you?

Like I have "friends" and they do nice things, but I really don't have the time to be investing in them and I feel horrible about it. I don't really like people doing nice things for me, because I feel like I'm obligated to do things for them, and I don't like being "in debt" to them. Do you know what I mean?
How can I have a meaningful friendship?.....where I don't feel like we're just sucking favors off each other?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:27 PM on Jun. 27, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Friendship is truly give and take and being there in moments of need or just plain happiness.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:35 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • A friend is someone who has seen you at your worst and still likes you. The friend will help you if you need help, and the friend might call upon you for help. A friend is someone with whom you have few if any protective barriers. I feel comfortable around my friends- that they are not judging me. I feel privileged if they want my help, it means that they trust me. There are people who take advantage and are not actual friends, this is a hurtful situation. I don't mind being in debt to my friends, because I know that at some point, it will all even out. If you don't genuinely enjoy someone without wondering about debts. then probably you have yet to experience true friendship. Must you have a friend to be a whole person? I can't answer this. I don't know. I would be lonely.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:32 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I used to have a friend that only talked to me when she wanted something. I have since cut all ties with her. I got tired of being used all the time. I don't do that to any one and hope that no one else does that to me.

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 8:30 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • Recently, I've felt like a "friend" only had time for me when she needed something [ex: pick up her son from school, babysit her son, etc] not that i minded watching her son or picking him b/c I love him to death. But when she didn't need those things, she was "too busy" or "too stressed" or "had too much going on to talk". and the best part is, she's my child's godmother and is hardly there for me and my daughter unless I bring my daughter over there.

    And I do not keep friends around b/c they do nice things for me. I am like you and do no like to be "in debt" to someone. Even if they say I don't owe them anything, I still feel like I do and I don't like that feeling.

    Answer by NOLAmommaKRYS at 8:33 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I think being a friend is give and take. Some times the giving is just being a listening ear. Maybe your friend just like you a lot and that just their way of showing it.

    Answer by TwinkleC at 8:32 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • never, my friends are there when i need them, i'm there when they need me, and we just have a fun time when we go out together. we're friends cause we like eachother

    Answer by aliishott2 at 8:33 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • friends are friends. if you're feeling obligated to them, or like you're 'just sucking favors off each other', are you really friends? i have friends who i hang with occasionally, friends who tread water to help me unsink a boat, and friends who don't mind my idiocies. i have friends who don't ever come around, too. we're still friends, but let's just say i know who i can really count on when the shit hits the fan.
    recently, i was recovering from surgery, and had two 'good' friends who both said they would come visit me, as obviously, i wasn't going anywhere. well, neither one showed up all weekend. yes, i was hurt-for one, i'd tried my best to clean up and be presentable, even though i was in pain. and two, i was plain pissed off. but i also realize things come up, and they have families and obligations, just like anyone. its forgiveable. i mean, who knows when i'll need another organ taken out? LOL!

    Answer by dullscissors at 8:33 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I can't answer how to have a meaningful relationship because I just discovered that a supposed friend was only there to use me and my son. I am still so torn up about it. I do have long term friends from even before school. We just like each other. I guess it's time for me to learn that selfish people will use you and your kids in order to make you feel good about doing for them. Babysitting for free. I would have done that except he agreed to pay me then tried to hide both himself and his kid. I was dumb enough to confront him. At least my son was not with me. I have learned my lesson to not trust people. As long as they are in the mood to be friends it's all good but I will never offer to help again. Sorry. I am not selfish. I have been hurt deeply and I will not expose my growing child to that type of pain unnecessarily.

    Answer by LauraMi261 at 8:47 PM on Jun. 27, 2010