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I need help with my 4 year old... Not a random stupid ? either

My son is 4. My daughter is 10 months. she looks like she was in a car accident becase of her brother. I cant go to the bathroom with out bringing her with me. i cant DO ANYTHING with out her on my hip or in her PNP.... even then he will throw things at her to gurt her.
What do i do? how do i handle this?
I have been doing time out for 5 mion and now he is at 15... this has been his punishment sice day 1..... I am at my witts end. I told my husband that he needs to find some one to take him for a while so my Daughter can heal.... all I know is I am done i am sick of him hurting her and me and trashing my house.. spankings dont work. I cant do this anymore....

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:21 PM on Jun. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (17)
  • Wow! he hurt her that bad? Talk to his doc about his behavior. he's violent and may need medication and counseling to calm him down.

    Answer by JayRo00 at 9:23 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • Have you mentioned it to a Dr.? My 3 yr old is like that not that bad but she hurts her 1 yr old sister hits pushes and pinches her. In my case time outs work. Have you talked to him about it and asked him why he does it? He could be jealous i would try taking him somewhere just you and him and spending the day together he may be acting out for attention.

    Answer by AWebber212 at 9:25 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I would definitely speak to a doctor. That sounds worse than normal brother-sister roughhousing.

    Answer by LittleWeloosMom at 9:26 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • Even though you can't diagnose a mental disorder for an axis 2 @ this age its time to discuss scizophrenia or bi polar w/ his ped. Sorry you're dealing w/ this, it can be sooo hard. Keep your dd away from him & see if you can get someone to come help you w/ him or your dd so you can get a break! Hang in there mamma, its not going to be easy! Get the help he needs, may not needs meds but behavioral issues can be addressed.

    Answer by Nyx7 at 9:27 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I'm so sorry this is happening! TO usually works for my son. How about taking away the toys he is hurting her with? Put the toys in TO. thats what we do with my son's toys.

    Answer by GiannisMomma at 9:28 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I'm really sorry. You need to call the pediatrician, they can recommend a specialist in behavior management for your son. He needs help now learning how to interact with people. There isn't anything wrong necessarily he just needs some extra help. Call tomorrow morning, do yourself and your daughter a favor and call first thing in the morning. Many kids are like this they don't develop empathy until they are older, but you can help him by getting him in play therapy.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 9:28 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • Start taking away all of his toys (box them up and put them in the basement, garage, attic or some other area of your home that he doesn't have easy access to) --ESPECIALLY the ones he is using to hurt your daughter!! Do not let his room be a "fun" place for a time out. Make it BORING! And make him have his time outs in his room.

    Keep reinforcing that is behavior is unacceptable, it will not be tolerated, and he needs to apologize to his sister. I suspect he is acting out because he is jealous of the attention you are giving your daughter. He is used ot being the center of attention. Whenever possible make it a point to spend one on one time with your son, by having your husband watch your daughter. Maybe go out for ice cream, to the park, etc. And when you are home with him and your daughter, make him your little helper--have him help you take care of your daughter. He can get diapers, wipes, favorite toy for her etc!

    Answer by LoriKeet at 9:28 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • okay, first, breathe!! The timeout is too long. If it is ineffective at 5 mins it'll be ineffective at 15 - all it does is make him angrier at her. I have had this situation - my son threw tonka trucks at our baby, everything. Here are some ideas - many you will have heard, but here goes. Most important when he does behave nice even just for a second praise him loudly. Have a special rolling reward system - sits nice with Sally for 2 mins while you stir the soup, he gets to sit up at the table and butter all the toast, goes and gets a diaper for her, he can help put it on... every step of the way he needs to be rewarded for every nice thing he does. I know it seems like overkill but this is how you build up a positive view of Baby. He needs one on one time with you, and it can't be taken away even if he is mean to her - he is still only a little little boy, be careful to not see his actions as an adult choice .

    Answer by myheartx4 at 9:29 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • Kids hit for so many reasons - attention, frustration, etc. First and foremost, model the behavior you want to get from your son - be calm and gentle. When he hits, firmly tell him No and then put him in time out. Tell him that it hurts when he hits someone and offer him an alternative... when he gets frustrated or angry, give him a stuffed animal or a paper towel roll to hit - let him know that those are the ONLY things he is allowed to hit. Make sure that you give him special and extra attention when you see that he is getting upset.

    Answer by neebug3766 at 9:30 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • You need to mention this to you ped! Is he trying to hurt her or is he 'playing'

    Answer by But_Mommie at 9:31 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

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