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4 Bumps


My ex-fiance sent me an email via facebook. This man put me through hell. So far he is being civil. And I really REALLY do miss his two beautiful little girls. I just don't know if that is a line of communication that I am ready for or not.

On the other hand, he is the basis for one of my main characters in a book I am working on, and his memories of what happened would be EXTREMELY insightful and helpful for the book. (I know writers are crazy.)

I loved this man heart and soul. I gave him my best while I was with him. There are days when my heart aches with the pain and the anguish of what was lost when I finally had the spine to leave him.

Any advice you ladies could give me would be GREAT!!!


Asked by Anonymous at 10:05 PM on Jun. 27, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Don't make excuses to see or talk to him. His kids, his ideas about a book etc. He hurt you enough that you got out of it. Use what ever memories you have for the book. He is your ex for a reason. You don't know what kind of mess he is dealing with and might want to pull you in. don't disrupt your life or let him use the kids to disrupt your life. If you are so weak for him, no contact with him would probably be best.

    Answer by mrs2323 at 12:54 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • walk away. Think of what it took to leave and rebuild your life. So why why why would you want to let that back in to your heart? Yes he's being civil now, just like he was in the beginning of your relationship... but you know that is not the truth of his character. Preserve the sense of peace you have regained and don't let him back in. The pain and the sorrow in the end will not be worth any of the small things you might gain. Write down a list of the reasons you left, and then the reasons you want to recommence contact - be honest with yourself -do you really want to put yourself through that again?

    Answer by myheartx4 at 10:10 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I won't tell you what to do. What I will tell you is to think on it hard. Put all the "pros'" of seeing him/talking to him again in one column on a piece of paper. Now dredge up everything that made you leave in the first place, the things that happened, how he made you feel, what you went through, and put THAT in another column. Look at the two columns, compare them, maybe sleep on it, and then decide.

    I had a guy I was SO in love with. I followed him around like a whipped puppy and I have never felt like that, before or since. He kicked me when I was down, destroyed my self-esteem. He dumped me, but then wanted me for sex, and I did it. I was in love, right? And then one day I compared what I got from having him in my life vs what it was costing me. I walked away. He has since contacted me again, saying he LOVED me. And I realized how much better my life is without him. That wasn't love, it was obsession. Now I have love.

    Answer by Cassidhes_Mom at 10:51 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • Unless you feel that you can deal with more hurt and drama, don't let the memories of the good times, and maybe loneliness of a sort, let you put down your barriers.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:09 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • What were the reasons you left him in the first place? There must have been some good reasons. Remember them. Remember what he did to you in order for you to make such a drastic move.
    I personally had issues with an exboyrfriend. Two exboyfriends actually. ( Yeah it took me that long to wake up to what was going on around me.) I wound up spending wasted days worrying about where he (they) were and who they were with. Sure both of them even tried coming back to me but mostly it was because no one was with them at the time. They liked to play and would use the sympathy card...that was my achilles heel. I thought I could change them. HA....good dream land reality they wouldn't change and I only now thank GOD that I have the life I have now. My life was gifted with a wonderful man and my two girls. It's so easy to fall back into the old pattern. Don't do it. It'll be a HUGE wasted regret

    Answer by truetigress at 2:00 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • If he hurt you so bad I would only talk online on the phone you need to keep yourself safe.

    Answer by nickynova at 10:07 PM on Jun. 27, 2010

  • I like the Pro Con list idea. That way you will be able to tell how you truly feel about letting him back in even that little bit. I wouldn't let him back in your life just for his memories for your book though...think of your own feelings first and if it's safe or healthy to let him back in your life.

    Answer by MynTop at 5:53 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • i wouldnt deal with him, hes an ex for a reason ya know

    Answer by 3xangel at 12:10 AM on Jun. 30, 2010