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Kids close in age?

We have a 20 month old DD, we're just two days shy from having our second dd and i'm so nervous all of a sudden.. because our first dd is so attached and want's 100% of my time and she flips out if I don't give her 100% attention.. i'm scared she's going to be jealous or sad when I have to give my attention to our newest.
How can I still make her feel special and show her just as much love.. does it come easy to do it ? and what's some ways to insure she's not going to be over-the-top jealous..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on Jun. 28, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (15)
  • When you change the new baby have the older child hand you the diaper and the wipes, and talk to the older child while you are doing this. When you feed the new baby have the older child sit next to you and listen to music or sing or tell stories or play some simple word game. When the new baby is napping, spend some time with the older child. It will be tiring for a while, but they soon grow.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:19 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • My Best friend's little boy is 19 months old and her little girl is 3 weeks old. Her son was really jealous at first, but they kept on repeating how to be gentle with sissy and how she is a baby etc...And he has done a lot better than what I had expected. Just be sure to try and get one on one time with the older one and things should go over smoothly. Good Luck Momma...And an early Congratulations on your new baby girl.
    BlainesMommy09

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 10:22 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • Involve her as much as possible. Try to get her to help you with small things, such as putting baby's clothes in dirty basket, bringing him his favorite toy, or grabbing a diaper for you. Whenever baby's napping, spend one-on-one time with her. Stick to ya'll's original schedule as closely as possible. there's only 11 months between my first 2, and DS was just like your DD. But after a few weeks he adapted and now (at ages 4 and 3) they are truly each others best friend. You should see them together! They are inseparable! It will be hard for a little while, but IMO the benefits of close-in-age siblings FAR outweigh the negatives.
    renea20

    Answer by renea20 at 10:22 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • do what Bmat suggested. My first two dds are 20 months apart and my last two dds are 18 months apart. It worked quite well for me. It was no where as hard as what I thought it might be.
    SandraRh

    Answer by SandraRh at 10:23 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • I have kids close in age. My first two are 14 mos apart and I'm due in August. What I try to do is to have special activities that me and my oldest can do together like color. My youngest is still just into seeing how they taste (lol) so this isn't something that we can all do together. I also try to make her feel special being the big sister so she helps out a lot and she feels good about it. There are still times when she feels that special need for attention and she'll act out but I either tell her she has to wait or if I do have the time I snuggle w/ her and baby her for a little while. To me it's okay because she's two (going on three) and to me she still is a baby.
    DaGoodLife

    Answer by DaGoodLife at 10:24 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • My middle son was very jealous of my youngest son, and I will admit we had a hard time for awhile. He didn't want to help, and was actually mad at me for awhile, and would ignore me when I tried to give him special attention. (he was barely 2 when we had #3).

    But, this isn't always the case. I was 2 when my brother was born, and adored him, I wanted to mother him, and couldn't leave him alone for a minute.

    The good news about my boys.....by the time my youngest was walking, they were the best of friends...oh they still fought, but they were each other's playmate and no one could mess with their brother. They are 18 & 20 now, still fight, and still are the best of friends. They do everything and go everywhere together. Bmat was right, it will be tiring for awhile, but it will be okay.

    Wishing you an easy delivery.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:26 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • There is a book called "Siblings without Rivalry" Get it. Imagine your husband coming home with a new wife...younger and more beautiful than you and asks you to accept her as part of your family now. You are supposed to be nice to her, and take care of her. And he shows her to everyone and everyone adores her. He takes her out to buy new things..everyone notices her as his wife. How would you feel? I took my oldest to sibling classes at the hospital. It taught him how to help Mommy take care of baby. I bought him a t-shirt that said "Im the Big Brother" I got him gifts and gave them to him at the hospital. I gave him all kinds of assignments to help me like get a baby wipe, diaper, pick out clothes and made sure I told him what a huge help and big boy he was. I had Daddy take care of baby so I could spend 1 on 1 time with him. I let everyone know what a great big bro he has been. I couldn't have done it without him
    Momforhealth

    Answer by Momforhealth at 10:29 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • My 2 older children are only 19 months apart in age. I had my oldest help me with the new baby. He would pick out outfits, hand me baby wipes, grab a burp cloth. I made him feel just as special as his new baby brother. While I was nursing the baby, I'd have my oldest pick a book and we would sit together on the sofa and read. And when my youngest was napping (they had different nap times so that I could devote special time to each child while the other was napping), I would do special things with my oldest to let him know he was just as important (we'd bake cookies or read a book or play a game, just something to spend some time with just him).
    momof3inTN

    Answer by momof3inTN at 10:35 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • I am exactly 20 months older than my sister. Our mom was a very busy lady who lived on a farm, took care of the house, cooked, took care of tons of garden produce every summer, and did a whole bunch of other stuff. My sister and I are extremely close, and I think it's because our mom didn't have a whole lot of time to play with either one of us, so we had to learn to play together and get along. We felt secure in the knowledge that we were loved and well provided for, and that is worth more than individual attention!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:36 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • i think a part of it has to do with the nature of the child. my first son was 18 mos when our second was born. he was very nurturing, he even tried to breastfeed his brother! i have a baby now with 2 yo twins. my 2 yo boy loves the baby, but does not know his own strength. i suggest you allow your first child to be as involved as he wants to be. don't force a bond, and do allow the older to help, and hold the baby. a tshirt boasting big sister might be nice. i got a few baby dolls before our baby came, and we talked about loving the baby, and soft and gentle touches. a lot of big kids get gifts when the new baby is born. then they feel celebrated too.maybe your daughter could pick out a gift for the new baby!
    good luck and congratulations!
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 10:37 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

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