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2 Bumps

how would you handle this situation if your partner(husband of 11 yrs) started lying about how much they made, not like 20 dollar lie more like a 486.44 lie,he thinks that its not my business to know where the money went, do you think its my business?what should i do bc deep inside i dont want himto leave,but i dont want to be treated like a doormat at the same time??i dont work well i dont get a check anyway im a housewife its a job though a shitty paying one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:23 AM on Jun. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Submit a bill as a domestic engineer. Make it prepaid for the month. Find out how much someone in your area charges per hour to clean a house. Find out how much it would be to cater one meal. Find out how much daycare gets per hour in your neighborhood or better yet how much a personal nanny gets paid. Then there is an accountant that pays bills and does budgeting. They get a chunk of money. Someone who cuts the grass and does landscaping, oh and don't forget transportation, there is the gas and the transit fees. He can't afford to pay you and he definitely can't afford to get rid of you. I really hope this works out for you. He shouldn't be treating you this way.
    Lifes-A-Dance

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 10:28 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • I don't understand why people get funny with money. If you are in a relationship especially one as long as yours then everything should be out in the open and what is his is yours and vice versa. I mean I have only been with my boyfriend 5 years and we share money and share everything. We like it that way.

    I think it is your business where the money went....BUT I wouldn't necessarily make that point..my question to your husband would be why is he hiding where it went. Something isn't right...he is being defensive and he is hiding something otherwise he would just tell you.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 10:28 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • How does he consider that not your business? My ex husband liked to lie to me all the time about stuff like that. He told me it was noone of my business too. Looking back then, I remember all I did was bitch about it because thats all I could really do. Eventually though..with other reasons attatched..I left him. I couldn't trust him and I didn't even want to try to trust him anymore. I stuck it out for 7 years, that was plenty long enough for me. If this is the only problem in your relationship..it may be salvagable, as long as your both willing. I wish you the best of luck. Hang in there.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 10:29 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • It is your business,take 486 pairs of his socks,and when he asks where theyre at say you lost em at your job,(doing laundry),youre not sure what you did with em,and you dont think its any of his business any way haha...
    mommy16love

    Answer by mommy16love at 10:29 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • Why don't you have JOINT checking and savings accounts--and that you can access online?!? For 8 of the 10 years my husband and I have been married, I was a SAHM, but ALWAYS had access to OUR money--including the joint checkbook and joint credit cards!

    In addition to our joint accounts, we also have separate "fun money" accounts--that neither of us has to account for. We have direct deposit, and have set it up so that roughly 80-90% of our paychecks are automatically deposited into our joint account, and the balance goes into our respective "fun" accounts.

    Of course, should either of us need more money, we simply discuss it together first. Financial decisions and discussions should never be feared or avoided when you're married!! :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 10:30 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • Has this been going on for a while or was it a one time lie? Can you check the bank/credit card statement to find out what he spent it on? Obviously there's a problem if he's not going to tell you where it went. Tried talking to him calmly about it when he's not stressed out? Where do you think it went? Has he always been so controlling about your finances? I suggest handing him a bill for your services. Go to http://www.collegegrad.com/salaries/salaries.shtml & look up things like chef, chaufer, personal assistant, laundry service, maid service, etc. Maybe when he sees how much others charge to do the things you do he'll understand how hard you work & why you deserve to have a say in how the $ of the family is spent.

    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 10:30 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • SOunds like there are major trust issues. 20 dollars I would not care about, but something over 100 bucks my husband and I discuss. That is what being a partner is, you talk about large purchases TOGETHER.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 10:32 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • Some people are weird about money. It's not right for him to hide money from you. We have a joint account and I have access in every way including online. Do you have a bank account? Are you on it? If you are you need to find out how to make your online account. I think I would demand I was on the account. What if he was hurt or died? Not being on the account would be a major hassle even if you are his wife. When I worked we had a joint account and I had my own account. You guys need to work this out. His method is just not right.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 10:36 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • If he's hiding that kind of money and is unwilling to say how it was spent, I guarantee 100000000000000% it went nowhere good.

    I'm a sahm and as far as I'm concerned my husband's paycheck is my paycheck. I have full access to all money and all financial information. I am his wife, not his child.
    Bezu

    Answer by Bezu at 10:38 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • if he is just starting to lie about money after 11 years. i would say something else is going on. maybe he helped out a friend or family member and he knew you would be opposed to it. i am not saying he did the right thing at all, i am just trying to make sense of it. could he be gambling? could he have broken something that didn't belong to him?
    if this is how he has always been, then it is not likely to change :(
    good luck though!
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 10:50 AM on Jun. 28, 2010

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