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How do you deal with a DH/SO who has baggage?

IE: ex-wife, babies mama, unstable family, etc... any baggage. Do you make it known that it is a problem and you are putting up with it or do you accept him with open arms? How hard is it to deal with?


Asked by allfiller at 1:57 PM on Jun. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (802 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • My hubby has an ex wife and a son with her and a few members of his family that are complete whackadoos, but I accept everything about him. I am in love with him and loving him means I accept everything about him.

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 2:02 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • Well, it depends on the problem...

    Baby's mamas aren't going to change, and in most cases they didn't know they were psycho before the knocked them up.

    So you deal.

    Answer by lovinangels at 1:58 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • I do not personally have this issue but I believe the best thing to do is welcome it with open arms and do your best to be accepting. Some things can not be controlled and many times it is not the individuals fault that the baggage exists.

    Answer by imamommmmyyy at 1:59 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • Well he does have another child,I accept it,I have to thats his kid,now what i wont accept is him getting on a deeper level than him just picking up his son or talking about his son with his other childs mom,I dont think they need anything more personal than that,the only thing they should have in common is that they have a child together,other than that no extra baggage

    Answer by mommy16love at 2:01 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • My DH didn't come with kids, but he did come with an ex wife who was physically/mentally/emotionally abusive (and yes, I know for a fact, i've seen the letters she's written him detailing how horrible she was to him) on top of being a cheater. His family is quite unstable...well, his mother and sister mostly, I love my BIL and his wife to pieces. I accepted him, and his "baggage" with arms wide open. Everyone has a's not always pretty, but when you love someone that much, you accept it. We had issues at first because he was very insecure and jealous due to the way his ex wife treated him, but he saw that I was the polar opposite of her, and is now very much secure and content with our marriage. Because of my love for him, we pushed through the hard times. He was worth it to me, so it really wasn't all that difficult. You just take it one day, one issue at a time.

    Answer by milfalicious08 at 2:04 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • The truth is everybody is gonna hurt you,you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for- bob marley

    Answer by mommy16love at 2:15 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • When I started dating my hubby we were both young, we both came with a child from a previous relationship except I didn't have a baby daddy drama but he had a baby momma drama, he was not financially set, he was a bachelor, with a job but no car. The baby momma drama continues even until this day...over a decade later but I stuck with him we got our careers in order and we go through the struggles together. It think it's about a commitment that you make to each other and you both have to be in it together, for better or worse. some can handle it and get past it, some cannot and move on.


    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 2:03 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • First and foremost you have to decide if he is worth the trouble of the baggage. If it is a baby mama can you deal with her calling him and the drama she might start and having her hands on his paycheck for the next 18 years or however long is left? Once you make that decision then you suck it up and don't complain. As a stepmother, people are going to have no sympathy and say you knew about his situation before you got married no matter what happens. I let my husband know what I put up with so he can help remedy the issue but beyond that I don't really talk about it.

    Answer by katie23 at 2:05 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • It depends on if you love that person enough to find a way to work it out, or if the problem is bigger than your feelings for that person. It amazes me when one of my daycare moms complains that her step kids. She talks about "her" kids and "his" kids. I'm sorry but she knew he had kids and there was a challenging situation before they got married. A lot of people have good heads on their shoulders and figure out how things are going to be handled before the I dos are said. Gotta remember the kids didn't ask to be put in that situation and each child is unique and deserves to be loved.

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 2:08 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • As a stepmom, learning to disengage was the best thing that I could do for myself and my marriage. At first it sounded so harsh but the more that I considered it (and other stepmoms encouraged me that it was for everyone's best interest) the more open to it I became. Google 'stepmom disengage' and you'll easily find the 'famous' disengaging essay. So many stepmoms have said it saved their sanity and marriage. I know it has mine!

    Answer by luvmycutebaby at 5:18 PM on Jun. 28, 2010