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She said no.

We've been best friends for years and we're both bisexual. I've wanted to take it beyond friendship since pretty much day one but never said anything for fear of losing her. I finally spoke up and she turned the idea down because she's afraid of losing me as a friend. I can't just turn off how I feel about her. There are days I want to walk away and not look back but she's such a part of my life, it'd be like ripping off my own arm. I know she thinks about what I said, about loving her. And if I judged by her behavior, I'd say she wants to take it that direction.. But we don't want to lose the friendship. We're supposed to be buying a house together -as best friends- and I keep thinking.. maybe when we live together, things will go that way... But what kind of torture will it be to live with her and it NOT go that way? Advice? Please? No bashing, Mamas.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Jun. 28, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • if the feelings are there and you both are scared of whats gonna happen if you take it a step further...it will happen on its own, just wait till you get that house and your living together.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 3:31 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • I think if it's mean to be it will happen on it's own. I think that you are very brave for coming out and expressing how you feel and taking that chance. Now you have to take the next step and try to be understanding to her position. Let her know that you understand and respect the way she feels and try to keep building on the relationship you now have with her.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 3:21 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • Do you have kids? Would they be involved with you guys buying a home together? I think you are going to have to reavalute this relationship with her before moving in together. Maybe time will change things, good luck
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 3:22 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • I know this is cliche, but isn't it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Yes, you might risk ruining a friendship. But what if you could have so much more? You'll never know unless you take that chance. You might be able to give it a try and even if it doesn't work in a romantic sense, perhaps you can still remain friends. I'm not bi-sexual, so I don't know what that's like. Perhaps that changes the "rules" somehow. But I can say that my husband is my best friend. That's how I knew I wanted to marry him.
    Mary229

    Answer by Mary229 at 3:23 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • Its hard to really say what would be the right thing to do since I don't know you personally. But if you really love her you have got to respect her opinions. Go ahead and move in with her and see where it goes. Maybe spending so much more time together will make her see you in a new light. But if not don't push it, because you could just end up pushing her away.
    BlainesMommy09

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 3:23 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • Personally I always had a rule, no sex with friends. I didn't want to ruin any friendships. Then I went out to dinner with a friend from high school just to catch up and the chemistry was amazing. We wound up hooking up that night. We got married 8 months later and I wouldn't change a thing. I love him more than anything in the world.

    If you try something and it doesn't go well, at least you know.
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 3:25 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • OH! And doesn't you having confessed your feelings kind of already take the friendship beyond that? Doesn't that already make going back to the way things were impossible?
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 3:27 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • When faced with the friend or more situation, here's what I did. I asked myself "When I'm old and wrinkly will I regret losing this friend more if the romance doesn't work out, or will I regret not having taken the chance on someone I feel I could love for the long haul?"

    You can only answer that question for yourself. She needs to ask herself the same question. And having a romance that doesn't work out doesn't guarantee that you can't be friends any more either, I'd point that out as well.

    I'm really glad I took the chance at romance and losing the friend... I married him almost 4 years ago and we're expecting our second child :)
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 3:25 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

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