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those of you who went through divorce/are going through one/know someone who did...

how did you adjust to change? like i'd be so worried i wouldnt get my dogs, i would have to live on a budget (if not already been doing so), recieving calls from your (ex) hubby, texts, going from one house to live in another, dealing with your kids, your kids's emotions, thier questions, and the list goes on. How do you do it?

 
americansugar80

Asked by americansugar80 at 3:53 PM on Jun. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 22 (12,423 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • My leaving was a long process. I planned out a budget, but aside money from my part time job when I could, then I looked for a full time job and then an apartment and put my own money down on it and set a date. I was worried about my son, who has autism, but things were so bad, I needed to do this for me as much as for him. I hardly took anything from the house. I had spent the month before my move quietly finding friends who were getting rid of things, or selling things and putting it in storage, as well as buying somethings I knew I needed. It's amazing what you can buy at a dollar store.

    I admit, I had to threaten my ex that I would call the police a couple of time when he would call and text constantly, or show up at the apartment unannounced, but hoonestly, it was the best thing I could have done for my self and for my son. He see's our son, but he's a much better father now that he doesn't have him 24/7.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 4:07 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • It got so bad that I didn't care what I got as far as "stuff", I just wanted out! My kids didn't ask that many questions, I told them that their dad and I wouldn't be living in the same house anymore and that was pretty much the end of it. As they have aged, they have asked more and I answer as much as I can, as truthfully as I can, without saying anything disparaging about their dad. Some things get answered with "that's for your dad and I to discuss and decide" because I don't think they need to know everything. My ex and I don't talk, or text, we only email and that tamps down on the anger because we each have time to cool down before we respond. I was happy to finally have control over my money, even if it was on a budget, it was MY budget and I decided where my money went. I enjoyed being single again and it was good for me, really good for me.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 4:00 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • well i didnt go through it my sis did when she was around 25 and again at about 35 and unfortunately it was hard for her. her hubby was abusive and a army vet. she had 3 kids and had to work a lot of bs jobs to make it. she went through bankruptcy and a stage of just partying like she was 18 making bad decisions. but through it all she survived, she is now about to finish her RN degree and is doing well.
    secondtyme520

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 4:02 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • You wake up and take hour at a time and just do what needs to be done
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:17 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • When I left my first husband, I didnt have to worry about explaining it to my child, as he was only 15 mos old... so mommy and daddy not being together is the way its always been for him. I actually had MORE money b/c when I was with him, he stole MY hard-earned $ and blew it on his drug habit. So.... yeah. Yes, it was harder when it came to finding childcare for my son b/c obviously his dad was no longer around to watch him... but that was it!
    MunchiesMom324

    Answer by MunchiesMom324 at 4:05 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • I haven't been through a divorce, but I admit that I have thought about during bad times in our marriage. Try to think about what kind of "ex" he will make. I think a man has the potential to make your life just as miserable as an ex, because then the gloves are off and nobody is trying to play nice. I know that my kids would be devastated, and unless it were to become an abusive relationship or something truly harmful to the kids, I'm willing to suffer just about anything for them.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 4:19 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • Well, I kicked my husband out three months after the marriage because he became overly possessive and such. I do and did fine as long as I don't have to speak to him. I had my kids before I met him so they don't even want to be around him.

    It depends on who initiates the situation and why I suppose.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 4:29 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • The only regret I have about my divorce 4.5 years ago was that way that it hurt our daughter. It really devastated her. She is now 14.

    I am incredibly happy now with my new husband but I'll never forget the sadness I put my daughter through. Your children should come first in any big, life altering decision. I was not in love with my ex and that was the only reason I left. Was that a good enough reason to leave a relationship when it comes to your children? I don't know the right answer to that question. I feel very guilty over this one aspect of my divorce.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 4:36 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • For me, I was at a point where anything was better than being around my ex. During the beginning of the divorce process we still lived together until we worked out the specifics, but it wasn't bad - he worked nights and slept days so we didn't see him much anyways. Now my 2 and a 1/2 yr old and I live with my parents and siblings, and share a bedroom while I finish school (only a few semesters left yay!! lol) which obviously is not the ideal situation, but I am a thousand times happier than I've been in years, and my daughter is a lot happier and has a lot more supportive people around her now. You make it work, stay strong, and live life. I am determined to live life to its fullest now, take care of my daughter, and just be happy! Life is way to short to be unhappy!!!!! Decide that you are going to be happy, and do it! :)
    soccerchik8287

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 1:15 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

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