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At my wits end with 5 year old

A friend of mine who has a 5 year old lives with me and my family. Her 5 year old is driving me crazy. I have 6 kids myself and I have NEVER had the issues with them that I am with this kid.

Ok anyways, here is my issues (or really his issues I am dealing with). Over the last 8 months he has had some major behavior issues. He lies about EVERYTHING no matter what it is. He has begun peeing on the floor in his room. Not having wetting accidents or nighttime wetness, no, he is actually pulling his pants down and peeing on the floor. He is potty trained both day and night. He goes to the bathroom several times a day in the actual toilet. But about once every week or two he decides to pee on the floor.

He will mark on the walls with a marker or crayon, bring me the marker and then show me the mark on the wall. I will ask him why he did that and he will lie and say he didnt. He will say I dont know who did that. There's more

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woodlin

Asked by woodlin at 4:55 PM on Jun. 28, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (-3 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I'd tell your friend to get a handle on it or get out!! That's just unacceptable!!

    Morgain

    Answer by Morgain at 4:57 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • A few nights ago he peed on the floor then came out and said to me "why did my mommy spill water on the floor?" I asked him why and he said because the floor is wet. I went to check and it was urine. I asked him why he peed on the floor and he said he didn't, I swear. When I asked him why he said mommy did it he replied with "I don't know". His mom was working all day and he was playing with his toys. He had been given a treat after lunch, played all day, watched shows he wanted to and everything. It was not a bad day. I just don't know why he did this.

    Also, the lying thing... He used a toy to put a whole in my wall. I asked him why he did it and he said he didn't. He was the only one in there for one and for two I caught him doing it. He outright lied about it. Once again this happened on a good behavior day so I have no idea whats up with this kid.
    woodlin

    Comment by woodlin (original poster) at 4:58 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • Everyone keeps telling us it must be a mental disorder and I FULLY agree but I have never heard of a kid being like this. Like I said I have 6 kids and I NEVER had to deal with this. My kids have lied but the pee thing is just crazy. I even had a kid who was a bed wetter but that was because he is skinny and when it was a cold Minnesota night he would wake up wet. He is 9 now and he does not do it anymore. But at least with him there was a good reason. I also dealt with a kid who was lazy and because he was playing and did not want to stop, peed his pants. Granted for me and my kids this was all before the age of 5 so I just don't get this kid.

    I can't kick them out because they would have no where else to go. She is a single mom who gets no help from anyone but me. Getting him evaled is fine but GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
    woodlin

    Comment by woodlin (original poster) at 5:02 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • talk to his mom lay down the law.. what would u do if your child did those things? u seem like a good mom if your kids dont give you any trouble. You should be able to give good advise.. i know its hard to tell friends that they have devil children.. but lie and say.. oh i remember when so and so wrote on the wall and i did this.. and if she doesnt do anything then you have to take your home back.. or ask her if you can step in and help.. i did that with my friend and he kids are great now.. .. oh and if a child peed on the floor in my house i would tell them that they are no welcome in the room.. if they disrespect another put there butt by the front door.. let them cry all they want... they will come around.. it sounds harsh.. but it works.. and it is not harsh!
    SammiGirl07

    Answer by SammiGirl07 at 5:03 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • Thing is they do live with me for one and also I have stepped in. The main reason she lives with me is because this is a woman who has not an ounce of maternal instinct. I have been trying for 5 years to help her learn how to be a parent. I have tried telling her things to do and it just doesn't help. She does step in when she is not working but he litterally looks at her and ignores her or snickers at her.

    As for the devil thing OMG you just have no idea. One day he looked right at MY mother and said "I am going to kill you" another day he was playing with his mom and said "I am going to destroy Nana" (nana is my mom). OMG Really? He is mental and I hate saying that because I have always had a love for children, hell, thats why I have so many. I have never in my life ever not liked a kid no matter how bad they were. Then again I never ran across a kid like this. I feel so bad because I feel this way but what else can I do
    woodlin

    Comment by woodlin (original poster) at 5:12 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • i think he's begging for attention. he's just asking for the wrong kind. I would work with him one on one.
    forevermom75

    Answer by forevermom75 at 5:18 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • Wow! He is a handful. I think he's making a lot more work for you and I don't think that's right. You already have your hands full. He needs to be taught how to behave properly because in school he won't be able to do things like that and get away with it. I'm not saying that you need to spend all your time retraining a child that is acting up for whatever unrevealed reasons either.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 6:09 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • I think the first thing that should be done is that he be evaluated by a doctor. Just to make sure he is not diagnosed with anything, to rule out if this is being done deliberately or if he is diagnosed with something then you would take the steps and know how to handle this better. Another thought is he maybe seeking attention even if it is negative attention someone is giving it to him. You stated his mother has no maternal instincts which may be another major problem. Emotionally this child may be hurting inside and these actions are the results. You are wonderful for taking them both in, and wanting to help. Clearly he is crying out for help, and hopefully he will get it. I hope things get better. Please keep us posted.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 8:23 PM on Jun. 28, 2010

  • I am trying a new thing with him right now. I just sat with his this afternoon, got down to the level of his eyes and spoke in words at his level. I explained to him why those things were bad, tried to get him to understand the difference between a lie and the truth and made a few deals with him. Almost like an awards program between him and myself.

    I almost thing a little of this is my fault. Since he was born I have been like the "bonded" parent to him. I held him when he cried, rocked him to sleep, fed him, changed him, bathed him and comforted him. His mother never knew what he was crying for and would sometimes get a bit abrassive so I would step in and console him. I taught him his first words, crawling, walking, eating, dressing etc etc..
    woodlin

    Comment by woodlin (original poster) at 5:23 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • About a year ago I started to back off because he was calling me mommy and his mom would get upset. I am obviously still in the picture but I backed off when it came to the "momma" type of things and his behavior started changing then. So maybe he feels a bit of abandonment from me?
    woodlin

    Comment by woodlin (original poster) at 5:23 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

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