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27 Bumps

Married Moms Please Help!!!

So, I have been married for going on 9 years and have 3 kids with my husband. The problem is that he goes out drinking with friends. He doesnt just go for a couple drinks. He stays out til 4, 5 6am! He gets wasted. He never answers his phone or calls me while he is out. He doesnt think there is anything wrong with this. I think I am going crazy! He tells me I'm retarded for getting mad at him. He is 27 so I think he should be over going out by now. Am I the only one who thinks a married man need not go out and get wasted. He says if I bitch about him going out now he will show me going out. I have been putting up with this for like 6 years and I am at my wits end but I don't want to get divorced. Has anyone been through this? And still together?

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nichole579

Asked by nichole579 at 8:39 AM on Jun. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (66)
  • I wouldnt deal. DOnt know how you want to handle it but I would say if you dont want to come home at a decent hour then do not come at all. Staying out all night is totally unnessasary!!
    IMAMOM2-2KIDS

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 8:42 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • wow. if i was you i would do the same thing he is doing. even if you don't go to the bar. one night I would tell him to stay home with the kids. maybe visit some friends. go to get something to eat. i personally would walk around walmart until 5 am. just to let him know how it feels to wait up until all hours of the night worrying.
    jdickey80

    Answer by jdickey80 at 8:43 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • i agree- i also wouldnt deal with that crap, he needs to grow up and be a man, he is not a single bachelor anymore and needs to fix it or ship out i would not put up with such disrespect
    oppsdiditagain

    Answer by oppsdiditagain at 8:45 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • He needs boundaries, every relationship does. And sorry, but 27 is still very young. I'm 28 & still crave a good night out until 6 AM (although i only do it when DD is at her dads house which is every other weekend)

    If i were you, i would pack up my shit & leave one night while he is out drinking. He needs to learn what he can lose. You don't have to divorce him, but you need to be showing him what his drinking would do to the family if it continues. Go stay with your mom or a friend. If he TRULY loves you, he will see how much of an ass he is.

    You could also try to go out before he does (my sister did this & it worked) She went out a couple of nights in a row & stayed out drinking all night. HE WAS WORRIED SICK! He freaked out & called every bar to see where she was. He was finally able to see what it's like to be left home alone while your love is out getting shit faced. NOT a good feeling at all.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:47 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Honey, I dealt with this, but no I am not still married to the man who did it. I felt like if I were going to raise my kids like a single parent, since he was always out drinking, it would be EASIER to actually raise them as a single parent! The truth is, only you know what will or work in your situation and marriage. For me, a marriage to someone who was not truly participating in the marriage just was not an option at all!
    And honestly, honey if he is calling you retarded, and threatening you with staying out more, it sounds like this relationship is at a minimum verbally abusive! You and your kids deserve more than that!
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 8:49 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • My DH only does this about once a year. He doesn't go out with friends or really ever leave the house unless he brings the kids. Something should be done about your DH's behavior. I don't have any suggestions other than what the PPs said.
    ashisamom

    Answer by ashisamom at 8:49 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • He shouldn't be calling you retarded for it, but I can see he seems like he still wants to act young....
    When my husband pulls that kinda crap I tell him I'm not his babysitter, and he can find one if he's going to be going out doing that BS.
    CAGirl4

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 8:49 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • No, I didn't deal with this, my DH had it all out of his system while he was a bachelor in the Army. He's going on 24 now, and can barely stomach 2 beers. He very rarely drinks.
    I would not be dealing with his shit and his disrespect by calling you names and basically saying he'll show you what "going out" means. What does that even MEAN? Cheating on you? Bachelor party "going out"? Is he really wanting to risk a relationship/marriage with you just so he can go out and get hammered.
    I agree with jdickey80. I personally would walk around Walmart for hours upon hours ignoring his calls and texts just to show him what it feels like.
    My DH did pull a stunt like this, where he was supposed to take his step-uncle to his house, get gas, etc, etc... they were gone for 5 hours. I was freaked out of my head. I didn't know if he was dead or alive.
    If all he wants to do is go out and drink. He can remove the ring off his finger. 4ever
    ManicMomma02

    Answer by ManicMomma02 at 8:50 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • my ex did this and NO way was i about to put up with that. We were together for almost 7 yrs and i left. We were never married but i do have my son by him. My dh would never do that. Is this something you guys did together before having children? My guess is probably so. He just hasnt grown out of it yet. I would sit and talk with him, tell him how hurt you feel and how stressed you are. You should give him his "night out" and tell him you feel he deserves that. But comprimise. If he is going out 3 nights a week...try talking him down to one. If its 1 night a week, maybe he can go every other weekend and tell him you would like one weekend to yourself. I know its hard, but i would atleast try comprimise if you dont want to give up. Sometimes some men though choose friends and partying over their family and the only thing you can do is move on without them.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:52 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I think it'd be best if you guys set up alternate weekends where you get to go out and have fun with your gal pals, and he stays home... vice versa.
    And just explain to him that all you do is get extremely worried when you know everyone's drinking and he doesn't even respond to a text or a phone call - drunkenly or not. At least it'd give you a peace of mind that he's ALIVE. If that's immature well... wtf.
    ManicMomma02

    Answer by ManicMomma02 at 8:53 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

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