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2 Bumps

would you fake your happiness to a friend who just got pregnant, but is in an abusive relationship?

I am at odds with a family member. She has been in an abusive relationship with my DH's cousin. She has been crying to me for the past 2 years about their relationship. It's Bad, i mean REAL BAD. I cannot go into detail, but it's just one of those sick & twisted marriages where they both love eachother, but the husband is COMPLETELY against any women rights. This woman is a slave in her home & is physically, mentally & emotionally abused to the point where she is convinced she could not do any better, so she stays. Anyhow, she called me to tell me she was pregnant with her 4th child & i got upset. It just breaks my heart that they are bringing another life into their horrible drug addicted, abusive family. It makes me sick to my stomach. But, she is hurt that i am not happy for her. Should i have faked it? Was it wrong for me to be totally honest?

I know i will love that baby regardless, but my heart breaks for him/her....


Asked by samurai_chica at 11:40 AM on Jun. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Level 35 (74,081 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I am torn- because I WAS in that abusive relationship... The two pregnancies that resulted from it (One was rape), were never teared with any amount of happiness. And it made me feel even MORE isolated and alone, that no one would even congratulate me. I was shunned by family, and as a RESULT I stayed even longer.

    Now that I am gone, divorced, safe & happy, I can see WHY, but it doesn't change the fact that it made things worse to have only negativity added to the already miserable HELL that I was living in, with, and couldn't easily escape from. It took me 2 years of running to escape it, and even now I an literally haunted by the man- and will be until my children are old enough that I can cut all ties.

    You need to support her, THAT is the ONLY way she will hear you- if she is as convinced as I was, that I couldn't leave, telling her she is wrong will only drive her further into the trap.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 11:47 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I would be brutally honest and try to help her see. She needs to hear it. It may open her eyes.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:41 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • no but she probably won't be your friend anymore. It sucks but sometimes you just can't fake it.

    Answer by mrsjonzy at 11:42 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Hell No! In fact I have had a similar situation with a friend... I am always open and honest with her and told her exactly what I think... When he found out, he almost killed her, because he was sure the baby wasn't his (which it was)... It was a bad situation all the way around, and she knew she could always come to me, and I would always be there for and with her, but she also knew I wouldn't hide the truth... That only adds harm!

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 11:45 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I would be honest with her. Doesnt do anyone any good to avoid the truth. Maybe you getting upset will make her start to think. humm maybe this isnt a good situation to bring another child into.

    Answer by Amanda7891 at 11:45 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I would be honest and tell her she needs to get herself and the baby away fromt his guy. He's obviously just going to abuse the kid too.

    Answer by GinNTonic at 11:45 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Everyone who says "Just leave" obviously has no concept of how hard it is to break the cycle, and the physical danger you are in when, and after you leave.

    It isn't as simple as walking out the door and being done- I know you all mean very well, but until you have walked down this road, you can not appreciate the challenges that accompany it. ESPECIALLY when there are children involved- and the legal ramifications of simply disappearing, or the rights of the father to simply take the children as well. There is no cut and dry answer.

    When you tell a terrified woman that she should just leave, she panics. It is terrifying.

    Showing a little compassion goes a LONG, LONG, LONG way toward helping to extricate her from that nightmare.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 11:50 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • It would break my heart too :(

    Answer by CAGirl4 at 11:44 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • OMG you need to let her know how u truely feel about this situation so that she can get help and leave.

    Answer by mamaofficer at 11:46 AM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I'd be contacting a women's advocate in her area and telling them of the situation.. They can help her get out. Do it before the baby is born. It will be easier for her (well its never easy, but you know what I'm saying). You can find out who those people are by contacting your law enforcement department and they have names and numbers of people you can contact. They can help her get out and stay hidden if needed.

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 11:50 AM on Jun. 29, 2010