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2 Bumps

My x now I suppose has nice family, my daughter wants to contact him. He has not seen her in 11 years, what should I do??

She is online he never attempted to reach her, or he had to do was put in her name. How ever he is on facebook. He looks happy with 2 kids, I am happy for him. We were young and wild then, he was abusive to me, physically and mentally. I left him for cheating constantly, and unbroken promises. I love my daughter and raised her on my own. She can not find him because she is spelling his name wrong. Do I help her find him, or just leave things as they should be???

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Jun. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Talk to her, see why she wants to find him. Then, if I were you, I would support her in her wish to find him, if she truly just wanted to know. I would also be there for her if she ended up hurt by what she found. I think most people have an inner need to just know where they came from, sometimes that in itself ends up being a hurt, if they can never find out.
    So, like I said, if she truly wanted to find him, I would help her, but I would also be there for her in case she was hurt from what she found.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 12:16 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • She is probably just curious ... it doesnt exactly mean that she wants to start a relationship with him... I would help her find him.....
    glamomomo

    Answer by glamomomo at 12:18 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • How old is she? - This plays a big factor.
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 12:18 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Maybe you should contact him yourself first and let him know that his dd is looking for him and that she would like to get to know him.
    I think by you making first contact with him it will let YOU know wither or not you can feel safe with your dd making contact with him.
    Good Luck
    gmasboy

    Answer by gmasboy at 12:18 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I agree that you should contact him first to see if he is open to contact with her. Then you can proceed as you see fit depending on his response. Or even let your daughter know that you saw him listed on Facebook but you would prefer to reach out to him first and will let her know what he says. In situations like this I feel it is best to support your child's interest (unless it presents a serious safety concern or something) because then they can never blame the separation from the other parent on you later in life, as though you purposely kept the two of them apart. And the lines of communication being open between you and your daughter helps ensure that if something does happen she will hopefully come to you for support or help instead of trying to deal with it all on her own. Good luck!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:28 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • All children should be allowed to find their biological origins if they desire. It would be an act of love for you to assist her if she wants it.
    kathyartist2007

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:59 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • NOPE, you don't help her. Leave it as is. Past behavior is the best prediction of current and future behavior. Don't let her go where you went. You protect her mamma & keep her curiousity redirected. Bless you.
    smokeybear

    Answer by smokeybear at 1:28 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

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