Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

My DH is leaving me -

He says that he is not happy because I am "always complaining about how controlling he is" - In the past 5 months I have literally brought it up 4-5 times. Because he can be controlling, insecure and jealous. I brought it up yesterday and rather than working with me to try and find a better solution he said that I make him unhappy and that he is leaving because he "can tell that I am done" He is playing the victim and its driving me crazy. Everytime we argue, he plays the victim... I just don't know how to get this to stop. He is not willing to go to counseling. Any advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Jun. 29, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • say good riddance is my advice. Sounds like he needs to grow up! and if he's controlling, even if it's once a month, that's not good. Jealousy is not good either. That's all descriptive of a downhill relationship that you don't need!

    Answer by DarkFaery131 at 12:29 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • He will always play the victim ... if you can deal with him acting like this for the rest of his life , try to talk to him, but if not try and move on--it will definatly get better than having to live with someone like him !

    Answer by glamomomo at 12:30 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Get the Book "The Love Dare". Take it day by day.
    I think every relationship deserves a chance. He may just need to grow up some.

    Answer by Momforhealth at 12:32 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Sounds like he's found another way to be controlling. He's going to leave you on by his choice and on his terms and thats keeps him with the upperhand in his mind. Ask him if he'd like help to pack his suitcase, maybe that'd change his attitude.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:35 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • i agree with the answer love dare book..i loved that one

    Answer by celtycmomma at 12:37 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • my husband was like this and we would fight and fight and fight, I bought a book because it was the only thing he would agree to do. So i searched for the perfect book that fit us and it had alot of reviews written by men so I figured he would relate to it and he's been reading it and actually learned alot bout himself and the way he treats people and I've learned alot as well, This book says alot of women think its a man being controlling and its not so much he said thats the number one that makes a woman leave her husband is that it feels like she is being controlled, the book is great its kinda hard to sum it up but it was only $10 on amazon its called " how to improve your marriage without talking about it"

    Answer by kleigh24 at 12:34 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • kimberlyinberea said it EXACTLY right.

    This is just another way for him to be in control. Let him go. Chances are, he'll never actually leave. He just wants to see you get upset over it. If you don't, if you pretend it's no big deal that he's going, it'll throw him for a loop.

    Answer by DusterMommy at 12:39 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I agree with kimberlyinberea as well. With his controlling ways, insecurity and jealous this is defifnitely a way for him to keep control. I would guess he wouldn't leave either, I have the same thing going on with my husband, he is the victim and everything is on me, while I can understand to extent because I did cheat, he takes no responsibility for his actions that contributed to the whole mess - which frustrates me. I've put in the effort and tried numerous times do the things he's asked, but until he takes initiative to make changes too it will never work.
    He has to be willing to change and put in the work it takes.
    Tell him you're fine with his decision and you'll help him pack. I highly doubt he'll leave, but he may start another argument.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 1:49 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • He's trying to control you further by threatening to leave. If he won't go to counseling with you, I honestly don't know what you can do. You can put up with his controlling behavior or leave, he isn't going to change.

    Answer by Scuba at 1:57 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Just think about it for awhile..would you be happier w/o him always in control? Would you like being your own woman? Once a man starts controlling you it never ends he will always find a way if you let him..I would do as kimberley said help him pack don't get upset about it act releived maybe then he'll think about what he's doing..That being said I would not put up w a controlling man I would find someone else

    Answer by chica679 at 4:02 PM on Jun. 29, 2010