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2 Bumps

Do you go out of your way to make people happy??

I need to focus on MY family.

I have long running issues with my mom and family. My brother is very rude and always disrespectful and my mom is almost as bad. Always rude, makes comments about my bipolar- OCD child (most were made prior to full evaluation, but thanks for the support!) Talks about the way I parent, makes crappy little comments...ect. I had a party for my son a few years ago and it was a NIGHTMARE. I swore that I would never do that again...especially considering that my in-laws are awesome. Mine are offensive and it's just ALL ABOUT THEM.

Anywho, it's birthday time and I start to stress. This year, I am making myself care more about my sanity and I am not having a party. I am having the in-laws over for a small party. Going with my mom and her husband to have pizza and my brother and his family can kiss it.

Have you ever had to make unpleasant decisions because of ridiculous behavior??

Answer Question
 
jalex

Asked by jalex at 1:34 PM on Jun. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Yes yes yes...all the time...your family sounds a lot like mine
    bumblebeestingu

    Answer by bumblebeestingu at 1:37 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I haven't had this type of situation, but I do tend to try to please everyone; sometimes to the my own detriment. I think it's good that you are focusing on your family. Good luck!
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 1:39 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Yes. I used to work very hard to try and keep everyone happy but I realized that I will NEVER be able to make EVERYONE happy.
    I still do my best to keep things happy for everyone but I will no longer go out of my way to do so. Especially for those who do not appreciate the effort or reciprocate the gesture.
    If someone is determined to be miserable then they'll be frigging miserable. I'm through trying to convince them that being happy is much better.
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 1:41 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • All the time when it comes to extended family. My DH and I always joke that there is almost no stress within our own family unit... all the stress is caused by our extended family... Could be why we moved to another state... lol
    SandraLee242

    Answer by SandraLee242 at 1:42 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I think we have to learn how to balance being independent thinkers and acters with being respectful and kind. Just as it is possible to be too free-spirited, it also possible to be too concerned about what other people think about us and the way that we do things. I believe that we should be courteous to and respectful of others but that we should not be so concerned about pleasing others that we sort of lose those parts of our personalities that make us who we are. I have been guilty of making decisions with which I was very uncomfortable simply to keep somebody else from throwing a fit. It was not good for me, and it was not good for them. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for people who would control others by their bad behavior is to stand up to them and say, "This is my party, and I shall conduct it in the way that I choose to conduct it." You can either come or you can choose to stay away, but this is how it will be
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:42 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Yes I do, and I get burned for it just about every time. You think that would have taught me, but no. I still put that big bleeding heart out there to try and help others. UGH! Then I feel guilty when I cut the ties that cause the toxicity toward my family life because they try to guilt trip me (which apparently works). Tell me how this is fair?
    PhoenixFire

    Answer by PhoenixFire at 1:50 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • yep. i'v learned the only ones i need to please are my husband and myself. if the rest of the family doesnt like how we do things they can get over it. my family is not bad, but my inlaws are a little uptight. luckily my husband feels the same way i do. i dont go out of my way to make them happy.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 1:52 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • At work, I do. I'm a hotel housekeeper, so it's my job to make sure my guests are taken care of and happy. Personally, not any more. I bent over backwards to try to please my parents and siblings until my DH helped me see the light and decide that it was a wasted effort for the past 30+ years and now is the time to do what makes me happy!
    Robsmommy

    Answer by Robsmommy at 8:07 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Always have, and sometimes to a fault. You're very open to getting walked all over in doing so but I just really love making people happy and putting their needs first. I'm 38 and trying to learn to put mine first for a change, and it's hard. Really hard. Old habits die hard and sometimes you just need to learn to say no to people at times.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 9:22 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

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