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2 Bumps

how do i correct this behavior?

a little about me first: i was born with a congenital birth defect. so one of my eyelids is lower than the other, like a lazy eye. it has been the source of much ridcule during my school years :(
lately, my 2 yo dd has been making a face, where she lowers one eye lid and keeps the other open, and says look mommy! nd laughs. it is just the way kids used to tease me in school! i know she is little and doesn't know, but it still hurts my feelings. i have tried asking her why she does that (she doesn't say anything) & to stop. i've explained it hurts mommy's feelings. to be honest, i don't know where she got the idea, she's not in daycare, or regularly hangs out with different kids. probably just thought of it on her own.
after all these years, stuff like that still stings! but also, she needs to learn, even this young that making fun of people is not nice.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Jun. 29, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (11)
  • Ahh that sucks. She is just too young to comprehend what feelings are. To them it's a form of flatery of what they love. My oldest son wears his daddy's dog tags around and his shoes when he is gone. He imitates a lot of things as well. Try to think of it as a form of flattery, hard to do, I know!!

    Answer by 2BlondeBabies at 1:43 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • You could go a more severe route and anytime she does this give her a time-out. Tell her it is not allowed and it makes Mommy sad. Let her see you cry if you feel like it. I know it may seem extreme, but since the explaining didn't work, I think to get her to stop you may need to "punish" this behaviour. It is just my opionion and I would understand if it seems to extreme. Good luck and stay strong.

    Answer by NHRachel at 1:45 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • How do you correct her in other areas of misbehavior? Whatever you use that is effective in those areas of training her how she must behave is what you should use regarding this. You would not want her making fun of other people, so you must not allow her to make fun of you. So, whatever you use to teach her that you are her authority in other situations, you should use to teach her about this one, too.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:45 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I don't think she is trying to make fun of you...even though it must still hurt your feelings. She is most likely just trying to imitate mommy. My daughter (16 months) tries to do a lot of the things I do. But I can imagine that you would like her to stop imitating that one thing. So maybe just try not to give no notice to that one thing she does and since she won't eb gettign a reaction from it, she'll stop.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 1:46 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I agree. I don't think she's laughing AT you, I think she wants to be like mommy - my son wants to put his hair in a pony like mommy and carry a purse or where my clothes too - I think you are doing the right thing by correcting her but let her know not everyone looks like same and all people are unique and special -

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:47 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Children can be so cruel... sorry to hear about the pain caused by unfeeling kids when you were small... I would try as best as you can to ignore it... she probably doesn't see it as making fun of you... she loves you with all of her heart and wants to be just like you... she doesn't see it as a flaw... When I was bf my fourth, my third (a girl) would raise up her shirt and hold her dolls there... I know, sounds innocent and just copying mom, but some how the action just freaked me out everytime I saw it. I had to really hold my emotions in and tried to ignore it. If you give it as little attention as possible things like that usually go away on there own. Good luck, I know its hard when it hurts.

    Answer by SandraLee242 at 1:48 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I agree with PP. She loves you and is showing you that she can be just like you. My son used to stick plastic balls in his shirt as boobs and would say "Look mommy! I'm just like you!"
    He also mimics my actions and says he's just like me. Sometimes it's things I'm not too happy with but I know he's not trying to be mean, he just sees it as something that's totally normal.

    Continue to be honest with her about how it hurts your feelings. Try not to make her feel badly about it since she isn't intentionally trying to hurt you. One day she will understand what you mean.
    My son is 3.5 now and is starting to grasp that sometimes things he says and does can hurt other people's feelings. It's a long process but I know he'll get it one day.

    Answer by Laila-May at 1:48 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • You could go a lot of different directions with this one.

    You could go to the couch with a tissue and "cry" loudly, and explain your feelings are hurt and how. This could make her want to do it more to see your wild reaction.

    You could punish her like you would punish her for making fun of a visitor to let her know its not ok.

    Or you could completely ignore her when she does it, when you see her do it, turn around and pay her NO ATTENTION for the next few minutes, not matter how much she begs. That might get the point across.

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 1:48 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • She is too young to know she is hurting your feelings. She is imitating what she sees, like all children do, nothing more. Ignoring it might be your best bet now. When she is older she can be taught about people's feelings. Best wishes.

    Answer by elizabr at 3:40 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Aww, I'm sorry. I can understand how you're feeling. Your daughter is young & she doesn't understand what she's doing is ridicule. To her, you are someone she adores & admires so she's mirroring what she sees. It's a very normal toddler thing to do. Heck, my 5 year old still tries to wear my clothes, my make-up, style her hair the same. She's playing mommy as a form of modeling herself after her role model. Ok, but all that doesn't change the fact that its hurting you. 2 year olds need to learn empathy. Figure out how you want to explain your eye to her; odds are she's not even seeing it as a bad thing or a difference - it's just part of *you* like your hair color is part of you. Then explain that when she does that with her eye it makes you feel sad. Talk to her about how sometimes people have differences in the way they look or the way their bodies work and that we shouldn't tease people about them. (cont in next post)

    Answer by ldmrmom at 5:17 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

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