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4 Bumps

My husband sends mixed signals and I don't know what to do need advice!!

DH is SUPER stressed said he wants out. Only been married 1yr and have a baby. Just found out my 18 yr old (previous relationship) got his GF pregnant. DH says this is the last straw, he cant do it anymore. I said I'd move out, he flipped said it's not what he wanted I forced the conversation that made him say it. DH is affectionate, loving ,yet texts he wants a divorce will think about seperation. Said he knows I'm hurting that is why hes affectionate. My son is moving out Im not sure it will help and Im going back to work to help financially. I just dont know how to react. I want to fall apart I don't want a divorce and I know we love each other. I want to save us but am clueless. DH said he loves me, always will and Im his #1 priority because of our daughter. He wants to maintain a close relationship after the divorce he is acting normal, Im totally confused. I have no idea what he is doing and if its possible to save us!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:44 PM on Jun. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Talk to your religious adviser or call a counselor. You could use someone to help you work through this. It sounds as though your husband is the one with problems. I'll be thinking about you.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:46 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Maybe marriage counsling? the first couple years of marriage is always the hardest. Mine were. Dont give up, fight for him girl. If you really love him dont let him go. Maybe go out on a weekend get away with one another so you can have one on one time and get a chance to talk without the kiddos around. Good luck mama I hope things work out the way you want them too.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:47 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I know you don't want to hear this, but have you thought about counseling? Would he go? It sounds like you've had a lot of big things happening at once - your marriage, the birth of your daughter, some money trouble, and now a grandbaby on the way. Truly these kinds of things happen and many marriages are stronger after going through them - but if he's talking about wanting out I'm wondering if he has one foot out the door already.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 2:48 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Hun it sounds like he wants a divorce.. why try to hang on to someone that doesn't want to be with you ..either that or he is using the "D" word to control and manipulate you.
    munchkinaplenty

    Answer by munchkinaplenty at 2:49 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Try to get him into Marriage counseling with you, he owes you and his child that. I think he making these decisions based on feelings and not with a clear head. Marriage is not always a cake walk it takes maturity and dedication if he doesn't have that ability.  I would say you are better off without him..Good Luck!!

    Mom2princessq

    Answer by Mom2princessq at 2:52 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • You NEED counseling. Go yourself if he won't go with you.

    Beware, he may indeed be trying to manipulate you with divorce. So go ahwead and get the papers and put them out for him. See what happens.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:53 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Your hubby also sounds like he doesn't know what he wants from one minute to the next. First of all your son getting his GF preggo is not his problem it's your sons. So him stressing over that makes no sense. You and him need to sit down and lay EVERYTHING out on the table you need to make sure you know where he stands and what he wants and he understands and knows where you stand and what you want and if it comes down to you can't agree on something you BOTH need to come to a agreement. GL

    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:53 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Be still. When you dont know what to do its best that you dont act on the situation, but rather think about all aspects. With a new baby, work, a teenage son, and a wife, life can be VERY stressful to a man. You have to remember, men are visual beings and he is probably seeing a bad situation getting worst. So I suggest that you sit him down and the two of you have a talk (when the baby is sleep and the oldest away). Let him know how you feel and ask him what you can do to make the situation better. Let him know that you are there for him and that you have his back 100%. Just like us women, men can be a bit over the top. It sounds like he is the kind of guy that needs an outlet, and so he'd rather leave. Offer him a night out with just the two of you. I know it gets crazy at times with a little one, but just dont forget that he needs attention too. Men are like babies, but he has to be num 1. Give him some time...

    sugahmamma

    Answer by sugahmamma at 2:55 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I told him I am going to counseling for me for the emotional support I am not beyond that. Right now Im afraid to get overly emotional, mad hurt or display any negative behavior. I have not suggested counseling to him although he knows I will go without him. This just came aobut and I think he needs to stew in it more I don't want to push him away I mean two nights ago he said he didn't want this just after he said he wanted out then today he text he wants a divorce. It should be noted he is younger then me he just turned 30 (when all this shit hit the fan) I am sure he is overwhelmed and feels as if getting the hell out would feel better at this moment. I just have a real problem throwing in the towel after a year and knowing we still love each other it seems insane!
    dejaita

    Answer by dejaita at 2:57 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Not true sugah.. I have met some that truly act like they need to have their diaper changed, my ex was one of them.. but not all men are babies some are actually mature adults.. my dh is.

    munchkinaplenty

    Answer by munchkinaplenty at 3:06 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

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