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3 Bumps

Am I wrong to feel this way?

My ex and I separated when our daughter was 2 months old. He had visitations on Sundays from 12-3 as ordered by a judge up until our hearing 2 months ago. 2 months ago his parenting time was suspended by the judge for failure to take a parenting class. The judge ordered that we both take a parenting class, it was free, close by and only took an hour. He had 7 months to take the class and did not so the judge ORDERED that his parenting time be suspended until he took it. So I did not let him see her. Nothing was said, he never asked to see her or anything...I just stopped taking her over there. He just now started calling and today he acted all sad that he hasn't seen her so I told him to call me tonight to set something up as he says he's taken his class and has a certificate to prove it. He hasn't called. I can't help but feel like he doesn't care about her and that hurts me :( How could he not care?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:58 PM on Jun. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • If the judge stated that he is not allowed to see his child until he takes the class, then don't feel bad for him. He should of taken it like he was suppose to.

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 9:59 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • I don't know why some guys are like that, I haven't seen my own dad since I was 4 months old. I'm sorry you are going through that, my ex is that way a little with our son too its just hard to tell because he lives so far away.

    Answer by Tes...Jacksmami at 10:00 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • He cares for himself and is not being responsible. Don't let him see her without the judge knowing.

    Answer by QandA at 10:00 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • You are not wrong to feel that way. You are hurting for your child because you know that if this continues she will one day be VERY hurt herself. He sounds like an immature jerk that isn't quite ready to be a parent. I'm sorry you have to deal with this:(

    Answer by shanlaree at 10:02 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • don't let him be the author of how you feel. i always say if i could truly understand the minds of the stupid and/or crazy people, then i would have to be one myself. as your daughter gets older, don't fall into the trap of defending him and don't let his actions change who you are and what you know is right. unfortunately the best you can do is tell him what is in the best interests of your daughter and hope he starts getting it. otherwise you can set up counseling for her to help her deal with the issues she is bound to have - and the courts will consider if his actions and inconsistency become harmful to her.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 10:02 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • maybe he does not care? i can't figure out why he hasn't taken the class. i can usually come up with some reason for anything. try not to have any expectations of this man, and then you won't have to feel disappointment. hopefully there is a grandpa or uncle that will serve as a positive male role model for your daughter.
    i wish you luck mama!
    hang in there!

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 10:03 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • No,dont feel bad or sorry for him. Feel bad for that baby that he dont care for. If he actually took the class,he needs to go before the judge and show it to him/her and then get a job,start paying child support,(if he's not already),and THEN he can see the baby again. I wouldnt allow him to see your baby until then! If he hasnt made an effort before now,then he needs to grow up and be a man. Besides,why should you be taking her over to him? He should be coming to see her if he really wants to see her bad enough- he would FIND a way!

    Answer by phall1069 at 10:06 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Im sorry he is an ass! Some people are just not ment to be parents, dont fall for his crap or let your daughter go threw that either! Either he wants to be a parent or he doesnt, it isnt a come and go as you please job! I would just make that clear to him and the judge! I know it may be hard to do but its for the best because in the end she is just going to keep getting hurt over and over again. I am speaking from experiance of being the child with a dead beat father! I tried all my life, and blamed myself for him not wanting to be a part of my life. Now as an adult I understand, and havent spoke to him in 4 years. I have heard from people he wants to contact me and has been asking for my phone number but I am not going to give in again and end up hurt! GL

    Answer by mrsmamaj at 10:07 PM on Jun. 29, 2010

  • Don't feel bad for him! My exhubby has seen our 2yr old a handful of times in the past few months...maybe 2days a month. He has visitation rights every other weekend, and one day every other week - yet he chooses to do other things during those times. They are grown men, who are more than capable of doing what needs to be done so they can see their children. There is no reason to baby him. Feel sorry for your daughter, that she wont have a dad around, but do not feel bad for him!Also something to keep in mind, that's been helping me deal with my anger at my ex when he chooses not to see our daughter, is at least its happening while they are still young and more than likely will not remember later on. If he's going to abandon your child, better now then to have her grow up wondering "will my daddy show up today to see me?" Its sad, but be strong for your daughter! She needs you to make sure she knows how wonderful she is!

    Answer by soccerchik8287 at 12:39 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I am the type of person that doesn't like when either parent is kept away from the child unless that parent is a danger to the child. With that being said if he really wanted to see y'alls little girl I would think he'd go to the class, and even after that you offered to go against what the court said and to set up something with him on the side yet he is still not calling. Don't feel bad about that b/c you went out of your way to accommodate him and he still messed up. I know it's only natural for feel bad for your daughter so don't feel bad about having those feelings. Just stay strong for her and don't let her see you sad or mad at him because no matter what that is her dad and her opinions of him should be formed on her own experiences with him, not from negative comments from mommy (not that you are doing that, just saying)

    Answer by DaGoodLife at 3:53 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

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