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Am i being mean???

So dh and I aren't financially stable.He is in the Air Force. He is leaving tomorrow for TDY. We aren't getting much from this. I told him we should put this money towards bills. He wants to go out while in England and party. I'm pissed because this money would help us get ahead but he feels like I'm not letting him "experience" this situation. Am I wrong??? I just want to get out of this financial problem.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:34 AM on Jun. 30, 2010 in Money & Work

Answers (9)
  • No. U are thinking rationally.

    Just Give him a little bit so he doesnt have to sit by himself at the hotel. Agree on an amount, per day, per week that is his spend money, the rest goes to bills. It may not seem fair, but you would probably want to go out a little with your peers if you were away on a business trip. Just try to agree on the amount thats fair for each and it will lessen the arguments on both sides


    Answer by kateyez2214 at 2:39 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I think he needs spending money - but he should not fritter everything away.

    Answer by M2TandM at 2:41 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I do not think that you are being irrational BUT I do think that he should be able to go out and have a good time...WITHIN REASON. You both should talk about it and set a limit that he is ok with and you are ok with for him to use to "party" with. My husband is in the Navy and when he is deployed he does what he likes BUT we are financially set AND even moreso he makes sure of that before anything. Talk to your husband and try to come to some agreement as to what he should spend partying and what you need to pay bills.

    Answer by Harris06 at 2:44 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I agree with both ladies.
    You're thinking rationally, and for the future. I also think that he does need spending money, but he shouldn't have access to ALL of it.

    That's what I would honestly do. Spend money on the much bigger bills, and set aside a specific amount for DH to use while he's away.

    Answer by ManicMomma02 at 2:45 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • It's actually normal. Besides money (and usually involving money) the cause of stress in the relationships of most young (and young-ish) couples is when one marital partner does something at the expense of another. The best thing to do is to communicate effectively and perhaps find a counselor that can help if he feels you aren't understanding him or you feel he isn't understanding you etc.

    Marriage is a partnership. With anything either of you do, it needs to be in consideration of how it will impact your family and each other. I think he can find a balance between wanting to experience England and upholding his financial responsibility to his family. My husband was in his mid-20's before he learned that spending $70 in one night at the bar buys nothing but a nasty hang-over lol. Finding value and respecting the value of what each of you add to your family will help him understand why this can't be a one-sided thing.

    Answer by NovemberLove at 3:13 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • You are being reasonalbe. We went a little backwards in life. Ohhhh if I could go back and do things differently financially we would be sitting pretty! First pay your debts then have fun!

    Answer by theutilitarian at 5:52 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • If his buddies are all going out he wouldn't want to sit in his lodging and feel lonely and resentful and left out. He should have some money. He should also be aware of his actual financial situation, and some of the available money should be going toward paying bills.

    Answer by Bmat at 6:25 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Your spouse is being a little immature. His first responsibility is to his family.

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:29 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • He needs to have something to do while he's over there- but spending all his extra money is insane. You guys could do so much with that money- save for a down payment on a home, kids college fund, paying off debt.

    I'm sure it's hard for both of you, so make it worth it by not blowing everything he makes. But still allowing him to have fun.

    Answer by Erica_Smerica at 6:11 PM on Jun. 30, 2010

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