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3 Bumps

He doesnt get it!!

I recently got up the courage to separate from my dh until he shows me some significant and constant change in his behavior. I guess he thought I was playing or I was just frustrated that he wasn't working yet and we were forced to stay w/ family (me n the girls not him). So when he finally got the job he's been wanting and started today, he came over to talk and just assumed that everything was okay. But it wasn't the money! It was the fact that I feel like he disrespects me as his wife! I told him I wanted to stay separated until he can prove to me that he is changing. But it's like he thinks I'm playing or something. I love my dh to death and I do want it to work but I want him to take this separation seriously. He just assumes that we're gonna be together. How do I get him to realize I mean business and how do I stick to my guns w/o ending my marriage permanently?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:05 AM on Jun. 30, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • My best friend is going through something similar right now and i went through this last year :( I know it's hard but what your doing is right. You deserve to be treated with respect. I am glad that you made the change for you and now he needs some time to realize how much he really misses you.Keep sticking to what you believe is right and continue to have your space and YOU time!!! i wish you luck and please believe me and SO have our rough times too...if yo really wanna make it work space and communication is key i belive but who am i to give advice I am having a rough time too :(
    lendales_mommi

    Answer by lendales_mommi at 4:21 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Keep saying and mean it when you say it until you know he gets it.
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 5:16 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I would take care of yourself and your children why you are doing that it is up to him to hear what you say and take care of himself. Keep telling him why. This is about respect and after I would do something for yourself that makes you feel better and after everything is said and done only you can tell him what you want and what you expect from this relationship. GL Momma

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:17 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • If you really want to make this marriage work, you and your spouse need to meet with a couples counselor; the communication in your marriage isn't working, and yout both need to relearn how to communicate.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:50 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Keep doing what you're doing. Your actions speak louder than words. You can never change someone else, you can only change yourself. When DH sees you really mean business, he'll finally get it! Good Luck
    Rnurse

    Answer by Rnurse at 6:07 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • You just do what you need to do. Stick to your guns....don't go home until he changes his behavior! Suggest counceling as a way to start to repair the relationship.
    rockinmomto2

    Answer by rockinmomto2 at 6:47 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Be specific, tell him what he needs to work on in his personality, give examples of why you feel disrespected and give him a time line. Also make sure he knows that after the time line if for whatever reasons he goes back t his old ways you'll have no choice but to file divorce.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 7:04 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Does he know specifically exactly what "change" you want to see? Is it possible that he thought your leaving had to do only with his getting a job? Are there some changes that you need to make in yourself as well? The boundaries that we have in marriage are very important, and I think your moving out was the expression of your boundaries when it came to his working. He understood that one, but I'm wondering if whatever these other boundaries are that you feel are not being observed have not been as clearly articulated. Just saying that he "disrespects you as his wife" is very vague, and unless he knows exactly what that means, he has no idea how to go about fixing it. By the way, husbands are to love their wives; wives are to respect their husbands. We usually get back what we give, so maybe that's the part of the marriage you both need to work on. Time for honest discussion for sure and clearly defined expectations.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:30 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • I did it this way...if I said it, I meant it and I did it. He didn't think I would and things didn't change so followed through with what I said I would do. I'm happier not being with him, but of course, with divorce, there are highs and lows. Either way, I don't regret my decision because I knew it wasn't healthy for us all. All I can say is stick to what you say. Or he'll never respect your thoughts becasuse he'll think you're all talk.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 9:03 AM on Jun. 30, 2010

  • Compromise or you will find out he's moved on.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:09 AM on Jun. 30, 2010